finding me

HATING YOUR LIFE?

2011-09-24T01:48:00.004+08:00

I have just finished updating another week's shift rota and my eyelids are so heavy already. It was a tiring AM shift especially at the beginning. Enough to say that I and my lovely MO oncall today had to standby at OT for a triplet emergency delivery - not to mention that there is a DIL patient in NICU, also another one with PPHN on HFOV. But still, I'd prefer neonates than general paediatrics.

The picture above was posted by a friend in my facebook - it is a wise reminder for me at time because I am so not looking forward to be responsible for HO in my department - but it's a duty I cannot run away from and I think it is failing me - I have never been a good leader, I suppose. God, help me. I should have been more grateful.

THE SHIFT SYSTEM: PRO AND CONS

2011-09-13T22:13:00.006+08:00

About a month ago, the head of HO in my hospital asked me to send him opinions from paeds HOs regarding the HO shift system. These were the feedbacks I managed to gather from the team, at time with the assumption that the shift system planned for implementation is a similar one to the one used in A&E posting:

PRO:

1. Enough rest in between work

More energetic housemen and presumably less mistake. Hence, shift system is probably good with departments with expectedly non stop works, and with not much of continuation of care which need brief passing over– for example, in casualty and labour room, but not in wards where continuation of care is essential

2. No oncall allowance for housemen (*definite cons for housemen though)

A huge reduction in the money spent on the health sector by government – good as money can be spent on other healthcare needs, for example hypoallegenic gloves (as part of right and welfare of the employees with sensitive skin) or to get better equipments for treating patients

3. Working time not adhered to regular office hours might be beneficial

Ability to run any errands that need being done during office hours eg going to the bank

CONS:

1. Number of housemen in each department is labile and not fixed (due to possibility of extension)

Not enough numbers to be divided into shift hence difficulties in coordinating the shift duties

2. Limitations which makes hectic morning shift – and might lead to major dissatisfaction if shifts are not properly assigned

Morning shift will be particularly busy – with the specialist ward round, blood takings needed being done during office hours, attending clinics. Surgical based posting with elective surgeries in the morning makes it rather difficult to organise the shift system. Few housemen might be left in ward, leaving jobs passed over to the next shift, but unlikely to be done on the same day if those jobs are limited by office hours only – hence the unnecessary delay

3. Less teaching

Teaching done during office hours, some might miss the teaching

4. The pass-over tradition which in itself is time consuming and might not work well in all departments especially in ward

Those who are less responsible will become more complacent, passing over the jobs to the hardworking/more responsible ones.Either the hardworking ones will continue to suffer or a viscious circle to happen where jobs might be passed over on and on before being noticed, which might compromise the patients’ care. Also, jobs might be missed if passing over sessions are not properly conducted so, effective hand over session is very important, and a clear guideline is required. Having said that, a proper pass over can be very time consuming, hence more time spent for passing over, less work done in time, less care and time for patient

5. No oncall allowance for housemen

This is probably not too bad, providing the working hours is much less than the current oncall system. However, it is of no guarantees, and the working hours might end up with mere minute difference. These extra hours should be entitled to some compensation too

6. No more weekends or public holidays

Difficulties in arrangement of holidays as everyday is a working day, hence ending up with less rest throughout the month even if there will probably be enough rest in between shift. Cumulatively, working shifts might be more tiring

----------------------------------------------------------------

In conclusion at that time, consensus I think was NO, DO NOT implement it until we are all ready. Or at least that was the consensus among me and my colleagues in the same hospital.

Good grief. I can still picture myself standing up in front of all housemen and DG in my earlier days of working, asking about whether or not the shift system is soon going to be implemented. And why on earth did I ever have the nerve to ask that question?

And now having been in the system for around 10 days, I can see the pitfalls here and there which I will try to conclude in another entry after having a post mortem with other colleagues of the department. Enough to say, I need daily motivation to go to work now....

THE NEW LAYOUT

2011-09-11T16:18:00.003+08:00

Today marks a one month away to completing housemanship. Loads of experience gained, with happy and sad times, with encouraging and upsetting moments, together with old and new friends. I am still in Paediatrics department, and since I am too busy with making the shift timetable for the housemen, this leaves me with headache. I just created a blog for the HO in my department to put up updated timetables which I am really sick with - I will comment about it later - and after creating a new blog, I made a change to mine as well.

So TARAAAAA...here is the new layout. It looks weird, but sometimes change can be good. I need to accustom myself to new changes all the time anyway. I am sorry that there were previous posts that will come out without previous comments, or with white font colour which won't appear upon your eyes because to change it all will take me ages.

A few more things in mind before I keep myself busy next week for another rota:
1. Summary of my thought on shift system so far
2. Nice write up on HIS system - can I go on with petition?
3. Viva!!

Too much but too short and I still have not decided yet of my field of interest, huh

HILARIOUSLY IRRITATING

2011-07-26T23:37:00.014+08:00

I was reading this one article that I accidentally found upon googling for articles on the ~~yet to implement~~ shift system for all housemen in Malaysia. Hilariously irritable. I repeat, irritable.

No offence to the nurses, my near 2 years experience have exposed me those who are unexpectedly of cannot-make-it calibre, as what the blogger named it. Go on, have a read:

DOCTOR, DOCTOR! by Home of the Manx (I think the blogger is a psychiatrist)
The head nurse of my main ward was slightly upset when I told her my opinion that some nurses of certain wards are of cannot-make-it calibre. But it’s true. The ones in my main ward are generally OK despite being relative greenhorns. They have an acceptable average level of intelligence, integrity and diligence, with an outstanding one here and there. On the other hand, some staff in other wards really make me want to bang my head against the wall. I tell myself that there is no point in sacrificing my noggin like that. If I used their heads to smack the wall instead, the building would crumble.

Example.

(Phone rings)

Me: Hello.

Nurse: Hello, Dr. Katie. This is staff from Long-Stay Ward Pee-A-Lot. Do you think you could come and conduct an urgent multidisciplinary ward round with the medical officer, nursing staff and pharmacist? This afternoon?

Me: (thinks: that would be the equivalent of chartering an emergency jet plane to buy groceries for tonight’s dinner) Huh? Why?

Nurse: We want to convert all the patients on Valiant tablets to Valiant syrup.

Me: Huh? Why?

Nurse: Because we had one patient who nearly choked on a Valiant tablet.

Me: Oh? When? No one told me.

Nurse: Last year, before this ward came under you…

Me: (moment of disorientation – this is late July, right?) Okayyyy…

Nurse: … so there was an enquiry, and now we have to think of ways to prevent further near-choking incidents, so I thought we should change his Valiant tablets to syrup form. Then I thought we should also convert everybody on Valiant tablets to syrup. That’s fifteen patients. That’s why we need you to do a multidisciplinary round for everyone to institute the changes.

Me: Whoa, wait wait. This patient who nearly choked – was he only on Valiant tablets?

Nurse: No, he’s also on Fluent tablets, Hallucinate tablets, Chlorophyll tablets, Di…

Me: Uhhh… so you’re telling me that putting him on Valiant syrup plus ten other tablets will prevent him from choking on tablets?

Nurse: Well, it was Valiant that he nearly choked on.

Me: And the other fourteen patients? I suppose they’re on lots of other meds too? For which there is no syrup form?

Nurse: Yeah…

Me: So how does converting them to Valiant syrup make sense?

Nurse: Well, true, it doesn’t… but there was an enquiry. We have to do something!

Me: (sighs) OK, fine. If there HAS to be a change, I have no objection to this one patient being converted to syrup form. Leave the other patients alone. No multidisciplinary round. Just get the medical officer to convert the Valiant to syrup form at the same dose.

Then came the clincher.

Nurse: But Dr. Katie, Valiant syrup is very expensive, you know. Are you sure you want this patient to be on syrup instead of tablets?

Good grief. No amount of bonus is gonna compensate me for the brain cells that died during this conversation.

My very shallow experience so far has enlightened me of how unbelievable nurses could be and of how much the nurses' works has shifted to become part of the junior doctors' jobs, because we (junior doctors) have apparently become the glut.

One example of mine:

One hectic night in a surgical based ward, a patient was having a problem to pass out urine post op (which is not uncommon) and another patient who has low GCS due to intracranial haemorrhage ran amok in ward. Not to mention there were another few cases who I had not yet fully clerked after seeing them shortly with my MO - at least the diagnoses and plans were already there. I was left alone in ward as another HO oncall in the ward had long gone into the OT to assist the surgeries.

Before handling the latter patient, I have requested the nurses who were chatting at the counter (and was probably finishing off their very important report which copied every plans by doctors) to prepare the catheter set for the former patient.

After the amok patient been taken care of, I upsettingly found that the set were not ready yet. To make it quick, I prepared it myself and pushed the trolley to the patient's bed myself, passing through the nurses who were too busy chatting or probably gossiping. Then I had to pull the at least 2 screens to secure the patient to his own privacy - there were no curtains in the ward you see.

And to make it worse, it was a male ward and I was completely aware that I was much in need of a chaperone for those kinds of procedures - but like that ever happened in this hospital anyway. Surprisingly in Malaysia or maybe just in this hospital where the chaperone appears in every single introductory papers to be signed off by new doctors entering a new ward, having a chaperone practically were made compulsory only if you are a male doctor having intimate procedure done on a female patient. Other than that, it is definitely not widely practised here.

So I shouted out that I needed a chaperone, in which later on as expected, nobody came to chaperone - let alone if I asked them to assist me. Again to make it quick, I just proceeded with the procedure but it was not as easy as expected. I needed a smaller sized catheter and hence shouted for another help.

Me (shouting): Akak, tolong bowok cbd size 12 se (nurse, can I have a size 12 catheter please?)

After twice or thrice shout out, a nurse came with the wanted catheter and she placed it on the trolley next to me who were all sterile.

Me: Thanks... (before I could finish off with asking for another favour to open the catheter packing up into the sterile set, off she went to the other two nurses at counter)

SPEECHLESS. That was all I remember. I was completely speechless! Hello, it was a only a common sense for you to open it up, d*** you.

Luckily my MO (who was quite new in this hospital at time) passed by and he nicely helped with the favour I was about to ask and chaperoned me until I finished off my procedure, asking during that while 'what are the nurses doing leaving you alone here?'

Exactly. So what do they do? Obviously we need more doctors to compensate for those jobs that previously not done by doctors. So why complain of the glut?

Anyway, having said that, there are some nurses who I love so much and I think these are the nurses that achieve the same standard as those in the UK. If there are awards I can give to the best nurses, I will definitely pass them to these two nurses I have met in my career so far - 1st one in renal male ward who would call you to clerk a new patient who needed a peritoneal dialysis at 3am in the morning and by the time you reach the ward, everything has already been prepared, and when you were doing the procedure she was closed to you so you do not have to shout to ask for favours (I know nurses have tasks to do too, not that I always wanted her to be on my side even though that is what u get in the UK), and when you finished off the procedure she would take care of the other sets after you thrown away the sharps as she knew your phone just cannot go silence for a while and there were other patients you need to see and take care of.

And another one I met in ortho ward who would call you to clerk a case and by the time you need sedation and analgesic for a close manual reduction, he said it was already prepared as he already anticipated it. Prepared as in already diluted, mind you.

Seriously, thinking about these two particular nurses made me want to cry, thanking God for still making them exist in my current world. How I wish things are different, but who am I to change things?

OF WIZARDRY AND ITS WELFARE

2011-04-21T18:29:00.007+08:00

It was one fine day where everything ran smoothly. But it was Monday, the day all the young wizards were gathered at a new building called the Cedric Hall to learn more about magic. A female young wizard had finished off all the works required in the main magical infirmary that morning. Off she went to the dining hall with another female wizard to fill her stomach up then to a room to commit herself to God, the One she believes in, before going to the lessons of magics.

The sign on the heavy, bulky door reads ‘staff room’. They very rarely went there before but it was one of the nice rooms in the hall for a prayer.

Suddenly the head of the fairies named Bathilda looked at them in a suspicious way, asking “which department are you in?”

“The art of human carpentry”, the young wizard gave her a short and honest answer.

“There is a room just outside here if you would like to do your prayer, you know”, said Bathilda, pointing towards a general room, probably at the back of the room they were in, where anyone with the same beliefs who came to the magical infirmary would perform their prayers there, as the main means of submitting themselves to God.

Of course, the young wizard already knew where the room was. And, of course she understood what Bathilda was trying to hint them both.

“But this one is more comfortable. It has the restroom inside here, you see”, again, the young wizard tried to reason herself. ‘After all, we are still staffs, are we not?’, she whispered.

“Even when we were treating the humans with potions out there, we still go to the outdoor restrooms”, replied Bathilda with a mean look, and as she was on her way out of that so labelled as ‘staff’ room, she took out her wand for a jinx to switch off the room cooler, making the room warmer than it had already been – that was after Bathilda started talking.

Speechless, the young wizard was reminded of Hogwarts. She used to study magics in Hogwarts before being awarded to become a wizard. In Hogwarts, things were very different. The welfare of the wizards in Beauxbatons, her birth country was comparatively horrible.

In Hogwarts, let alone the young wizards, even the students who were not considered staffs were being treated nicely. Tea was pouring endlessly in their cups during the hand-overs, a session where the switching team of wizards, witches and fairies gained information about the humans retained in the infirmary, their illnesses and the potions that worked well for them. Again, let alone the young wizards, those students of magics – mind you, who were not the staffs – were given a small cupboard where they can use a unique enchantments to lock up their valuables so they were not lost to the abusing power of black magic. And these students of magics were entitled to use the big, huge staff room that was equipped with a magical entertainment box that enabled them to watch news from all over the world, nice and comfortable seating and many more.

The young wizard never had these advantages of being a staff in Beauxbatons. At least, that small cupboards for wizards would do, coz all fairies had them, but not the wizards. And they even had them placed in wizard's rooms. What more can you say of a wizard being chased out of a staff room (which I supposed was meant for any staff) when a fairy could have their belongings in the WIZARDS' room?

Even though there were not many people who shared the same belief in Hogwarts, most of the people there would respect the young wizard when she had to excuse herself to a room – any room – so that she can perform her prayer wholeheartedly. Some of them kindly showed the way to the nearest quiet room where any believer from different religions were welcomed to perform their prayers. If there were no quiet room, the fairies, and sometimes the head of fairies would put an unlock charm to a locked room for her so she can submit herself wholely to God without any distraction. And these people did not share the same belief in the same God as she did.As Bathilda did.

And rumours say that the Beauxbatonians who used to study magics in Hogwarts not coming back to to serve their own people because of the higher rewards they gained in lthe atter. Nonsense! Well, it was true indeed that they gained extra galleons there – but that was only the benefits of staying in Hogwarts, not the reason. The young wizard can clearly see now that welfare might be one of the issues.

Not that she wanted the endless cups of tea or coffee, no. Not that she was so arrogant, being a wizard, who supposedly by hierarchy was higher up than the fairies, wanting to be respected too much like she had been a staff for long and knew everything about magic already. No, not that. (But sometimes even those higher up in hierarchy, the witches were outruled by the fairies in the infirmary, let alone the level 2, 3 or young wizards). On the other hand, of course those fairies were mostly more experienced and hence, the same respect that the wizards deserved for should be given to them too, no. So in the end, it was not a question of who should be respected by whom, but a matter of respecting each other even if you were just a house elves who served diets to the humans.

The young wizard was helpless and hopeless. She could create a parchment of complaints to King Arthur or Lancelot or even the witches - she might, but this might well get back to her as witches sometimes like to compare the way the were being treated when they once were the young wizards – those times where she assumed the welfare were never thought for or fought off. Time has evolved and people are more educated about their rights and it was never fair for people to let you being treated as they were before. If this still occured, then why use the apparation, the latest means of transportation, and not the old conventional broomstick?

As for Bathilda, the young wizard thanked her for finally triggered her to do something about the welfare of the wizards. A parchment of news would do, maybe? It might be the time to start fighting for the right. And hey, wizards are staff too, they do work for the infirmary!

*original idea taken from OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

THE LAST HOLIDAY

2011-01-19T16:39:00.007+08:00

Considering the quite regular basis of blogging I did over the first month in casualty, it seems like ages that I have not been updating anything on the blog. I have been quite sick - no, really sick with keyboards I guess, I wish there are devices which detect whatever I say verbally and turn them into the soft copy. No doubt there will be, in years if not too soon. The computerised system at the hospital is killing me, especially when there are way too many patients to be served. Now that we are moving forward to the second phase, I wonder if my eyes can endure looking at the computer screen too much. I hope it is the best for all.

Kinabalu Mountain; 16 December 2010 [Credits to Faizal]

I spent half of my holidays for this rotation climbing up Kinabalu, too much stories behind it that I refuse to type in, enough to share that I still have bilateral subcuticular haematomas on both my big toes, they are still black after one month coming down from there. Today, is my last day off in casualty that I am entitled to. Will be finishing off my rotation at casualty by 11th of February, provided I pass my viva of course. And the thickest logbook of all... Great, now these sound dreadful.

Three months being here, I have to say it is the best posting of all, despite the same moaning of unfairness and insatisfaction, it is a nice posting indeed. I still hate green zone as much as I used to at the beginning of the rotation, and I still love reds. Adrenaline rush...

Honestly, I do not mind staying at casualty for another 8months to complete my housemanship, swapping it with orthopaedic and paediatrics posting which coming up. New posting means new environment, new staff and superiors you need to be dealing with and get used to, new knowledge (which is good) and new everything. If only there is a way for me not to do the other two postings...

TRIBUTE: THE LOSS OF A FIGHTER

2010-12-18T20:13:00.005+08:00

I was totally shocked upon hearing the news of the death of a good friend, Mas Afzal Masaruddin. Not that I was one of the closest person to him, but him and my other good friends; we surely are bonded by one tie that is strong enough to say that yes, indeed we are good friends who walk the same path.

I first met him at KMYS, the college where I did my A Level. We were never in the same groups but I remember going for the bronze award of D.O.E which involved climbing up to Cameron Highland. He was one of those few who joined - he was so nice he carried my 10kg rucksack when I was too tired to push my body up with the heavy rucksack on (which made it probably more than 20kg total of rucksacks he was carrying).

I was despatched to Newcastle whereas he went to Sheffield. I met him every now and then back in the UK. He was constantly giving good words, inviting people to what he believes in, Islam. He was then diagnosed to have Hodgkin's Lymphoma - but I was not that close to him, to personally say how sorry I was to hear his condition.

Yet, he was a true fighter. He never failed to amaze me. Having been diagnosed with such cancer, with bouts of coughing and side effects of chemotherapy that he had to succumbed to, he still passed his final year medicine and graduated as a doctor. The last time I read his blog was quite a few months ago, then I never really heard of him and how he was doing again.... until today. I feel ashamed and speechless, to have been so busy with my own life and nonsense worries, when he was fighting endlessly in his own world - and never did I try to contact him.

Truly, he was indeed a fighter. He fought to the end. My deepest condolences to all close to him. His presence once will be remembered. May all his doings bring him to the Paradise.

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un.
Al-Fatihah.

DOCTORING THE DOCTOR

2010-11-21T13:00:00.012+08:00

I was planning for at least a decent day off during the 'week off' for raya haji, but due to shortage of H.O. that was not made possible. But my wish was finally granted, after I got this horrible self diagnosed AGE (acute gastroenteritis).

I actually went to hospital for my morning shift on Friday, only to find out that I was too dizzy to stand up (I even get my brother to send me to the hospital), probably due to the loss of fluid via vomiting and diarrhoea. I hesitated before decided to finally take the two days of MC that the Big Boss offered me. My hydration was actually fair (a very bias judgement I have to say, as I was assessing myself), so I refused IV drip in the first place, but after two bouts of vomiting I succumbed to the correct decision of having a cannula inside my vein - and it did feel painful when the Hartmann solution ran through the small pink cannula into my left radial vein (is there?) to compensate for my loss.

Diarrhoea became worse when I got home that I literally did nothing just because I was incapable of doing things or to think, because I was too tired and dizzy running from bed to toilet, and vice versa. The next morning I woke up, pulse rate was still tachycardic, but I was feeling much better - then only I could think up straight - I was probably already in second stage of hypovolaemic shock. I called my friend, and let her brought me in anohter couple of IV drips. Today I feel much better, and ready for works, and surely in a much more empathic mode.

*Left - modified IV drip stand at home; Right - adik Aqil my doctor*

The Big Boss asked me why did I refuse admission, which I didn't because on Friday morning there was exactly no indication for admission (Friday night's condition was a good enough inditation though) - but so true, the worse patients to serve are the staff, simply because we know how it works.

I might as well sign an A.O.R anyway should I require admission, why should I be warded when the rest of the family is at home? Still the granted two days off at home was not that meaningful because all I did was sleeping and sleeping, all day long. And I miss a day out with friends who came around from Kelantan, as well as a friend's wedding. The least bit that made it worth it was that I managed to read almost five chapters of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows after feeling a bit better, after completing those IVD and tolerating orally.

The sad thing is, I am left with only 6 days off for another 3months in this posting, and that is only if it is permitted. Yes, for us H.O, MC is deducted. Counted in. Exactly why we bother so much about getting ones. Explains the reason why we still work despite having a one week suffering of unresolved fever, seeing those who came with a few hours fever without taking antipyretics.

The good thing is, now it reminds me how bad an IV line could torture your nerves, I will try to be more empathy as I used to once upon a time when I was a medical student.

EID MUBARAK

2010-11-17T12:14:00.003+08:00

THE BIG BOSS

2010-11-14T22:16:00.010+08:00

Some people missing in action in working time, is not a peculiar subject for me anymore. People coming in late for the ward rounds in the morning, or go back so early and leave the burden of the ward works to the others, also sounds so familiar. I can go on and put in complaints, and the list will be endless. Including things about my own self, like how I feel how slow I can be at times. But complaining alone won't achieve anything. Feedback like those in today's handovers is more likely to cause improvements, complaints won't.

I like my Big Boss, he is so far the most responsible H.O.D. I have met. He has this weird 'flight of ideas' speech when we were presenting cases or during the handover sessions, but he is very thoughtful and he does take good care of the staffs and the department; about things that should be in its right place. No one is allowed to come late. Which is good. I dislike punctuality too, even though I have always been rushing to work - but to my defense, that is only so that I arrive on time. I can list up ten reasons how coming in late for ward rounds will cause your punctual colleague to suffer. Of course, there are exceptions to being a few minutes late, but if it is a habit, it is something that hardly changes.

Back to the Big Boss. He knows what is going on in the department. Absconded staffs, nonfunctioning computer system that delay things, absconded patients, issues with other departments...etc. People who were missing in action and those staffs who weren't helpful were also warned today, so hopefully things will get easier and quicker for me. I love those nurses who were so helpful and not just bossing around, scolding doctors (read: housemen) because they have to do jobs. I love the former I would bake cakes for them. If I have the time and energy =)

Anyway, feedbacks like these, discussed in today's handovers are more likely to cause improvements, complaints won't. When I said feedback, I mean complaints made to and done by people who are able to do the changes for the better, and not just merely complaint to friends, who are at the lowest position like yours.

Attempt to get help from the supervisor was to no avail the last time, and even when we ran out of the lab forms yesterday, nothing very helpful was done about it. If the Big Boss is not in his current position right now, I wonder if adrenaline will always be enough in the emergency department.

Malaysia and good feedback system, is still a long way to go. The last time I put in suggestion in a suggestion box, a few weeks (or months) later, the box was gone. When my medical boss lodged an incident reporting to improve some systems, which I seconded, he got an incident reporting attack as if he was doing that out of arrogance.

Reminds me to how Newcastle University library answers NICELY to all the suggestions sent, oh how good the system is.

Same goes with the politics. But not going into that topic tonight, too tired I need some good sleep right now. And the conclusion is I like my Big Boss. Taraa...

OF ALL THE FEELING

2010-11-13T14:20:00.006+08:00

I feel I lack that feel that I used to have
I don't exactly know how to describe it
Maybe one day I will be able to
But for now
It is just upsetting
I want my old self back
And the gratitude I used to show
I miss my old life
This working life is just.... not working
As how I wanted it to be
As how I imagined it to be
The soul feels empty
That surely needs a refill
And all traced back to the One

THE GREEN FEVER

2010-11-12T20:25:00.004+08:00

I was working at green zone this morning, and most of the cases I have seen today were those with fever. Here goes some conversations:

SCENE 1

Me: Bakpe mari?
Patient: Demam doktor
Me: Bile start demam?
Patient: Bangun tidur tadi
Me: (glancing at the watch which showed 1030am) Ooo...baru 4jam laa lebih kurang?
Patient: Lebih kurang gitu aa
Me: Amik panadol doh ke?
Patient: Dok pon. Buleh ke gitu?
Me: ????

SCENE 2

Me: Mokcik, bakpe mari hari ni?
Patient: Demam doktor
Me: Ooo, berape hari doh?
Patient: Lima hari doh
Me: Lagi ade masalah lain ke?
Patient: Ade...batuk-batuk doktor
Me: Ooo, berape lame doh batuk?
Patient: Lame doh doktor
Me: Ye la, berape lame?
Patient: Lame sangat doh doktor
Me: Mokcik, (again, with all the patience) lame tu, berapa lame? Seminggu, sebulan, setahun?
Patient: (sengih) Lame doh, mokcik dok pindoh rumoh anok mokcik lagi mase tuh
Me: ?????? (and how on earth would she expect me to know when did she move to other house?)

SCENE 3

Me: Bakpe mari hari ni?
Patient: Rase pening aa doktor. Hawe2 nok demam ade gok. Tadi daroh saye tinggi
Me: Ooo...kad takdok lagi ni, doktahu lok tekanan daroh awok berape (assuming it was the BP he was talking about). Saya panggil je dulu sebab takut ramai lok beratur kekgi. Berape tekanan daroh awok td?
Patient: 146 gitu aa
Me: Hok atas ke bowoh?
Patient: Hok mule2
Me: Ooo dokla tinggi sangat
Patient: Tapi memang tinggi tadi doktor!
Me: Dakpe, kekgi sapa kad kite tengok

(after noted his diastolic BP was more than 90 for four times, and him having symptoms of hypertension with a high haematocrite and viral illness symptoms, he was advised for admission)

Me: Awok kene masuk ward ni, tekanan daroh memang tinggi, apstu kite takut denggi jugok
Patient: Hah? Dok payoh la doktor, saya rehat kat rumoh je laa. Doktor wi ubat je ke saya
Me: Doh awok siap kelabu mate lagi, tu tanda2 tekanan daroh tinggi. Dohla mude lagi dapat doh. Kene cek betul2 ni. Lagi daroh awok dok comel sgt, takut denggi. Ade due sebab doh ni saye nok suruh awok masuk ward
Patient: Dok payoh laa doktor. Bagi ubat je laa
Me: ??? (tadi die jugok yg beriye kate tekanan daroh tinggi, pening dok berenti)
Lucky he finally took the advice for admission, if not I myself would go hypertensive.

SCENE 4

Me: Ye dik, bakpe mari ari ni?
Patient: Sakit perut doktor
Me: Sakit kat mane...bla2
Patient: Sakit kat beloh ni...bla2
Me: Ade demam dok?
Patient: Semalam rase macam ye, tapi tadi misi kat depan tu kate saye takdok demam pon
Me: Tuh hok die cek, die dokleh rase awok demam ke dok. Awok sendiri rasa hawe2 demam dok, dik?
Patient: Doktau laa saye. Takdok la kot
Me: (susoh nguh ikut ke misi pulok doh)

How I wish history taking can be much easier...

THE CUTE TOM

2010-11-06T21:00:00.004+08:00

This is not the exact reason why I am giving my thought to having an iPhone, more specific the iphone 4. Should I, or should I not?

But seriously, the Talking Tom is so cute and funny it made me laugh.

ps: I practically did part of a chest tube insertion today, I was only assisting, but did actually managed to put a finger on top of somebody's parietal pleura. How exciting is that? Just joking =) At least next time I will have to do it on my own, I have some ideas about it.

SHIFT VS ONCALL SYSTEM

2010-11-05T12:19:00.009+08:00

For those who would like to know our working time as houseman, this posting will enlighten you in general of how it works. It might be different with different hospitals or postings.

I am working pm shift today. We have three shifts per day at casualty. Morning or AM shift starts at 0800 and finishes at 1530. Afternoon/evening or PM shift from 1530 to 2230 and night or ON shift from 2230 until 0800 next morning. But every weekdays' morning starts at 0730 with the handovers, and usually the morning people will start the shift at 0730 then.

In general , everyday we are entitled to work for at least one shift. There are days where we will be working double shift, which means we work in the AM and ON shift. And the next day, those who worked the night shift at the red or yellow zones MAY be entitled for a night off - meaning they don't have to go to work the next day, but those in green zone, still has to come for a PM shift the next day. This is how it works here.

Even if we have a night off, we will still be coming for CME (continuous medical education) presentations for our learning purposes on the night off day, and every weekdays, regardless of us in the PM shift, still has to come sharp at 0730 just for the handovers. I don't mind that seriously, as it forces me not to prolonged my sleep too much, like today (because it's a weekend, and hence no handovers). Plus, sometimes there are so much to learn at the handovers. The HOD (head of department) really likes to ask questions, and I think that is how I learn much. Even though most of the time, I was not even close to answering the questions.

I think I'd prefer the oncall system better, but maybe it won't work well in casualty because the patients are non-stop, and you will most likely be exhausted after the formal working hours. At least with double shifts, you get to go back for a while before continue with the night shift. But still, so tiring.

For those who had no idea how oncalls work in other departments, this is how it works - your working hours starts as usual from 8am to 5pm, but you come as early as 7am or earlier for your morning rounds. If you are not oncall, you go back after 5pm only if you finish your job that are not supposed to be burdened on the oncall people. Say you have too many jobs in the ward, you might only goback after 10pm. If you are oncall, then your oncall time starts at 5pm until 8am the next day. Then you continue working, until 5pm the next day, or later if too many tasks need to be done, as mentioned before.

Let me give you the example of one of my tiring schedules with the oncall system. It was when I was in medical posting, at times where the total medical housemen was 17 and we have four main wards to cover, not to mention the clinic and other periphery wards, also the H1N1 breakout at time. I had a few EOD (every other day) calls that month. I came to work at 645am, carried on with the sleepless night with the oncall, then I only went back at 1030pm the next day after the all sorts of procedure done. Then next day I came back at 645am for the morning rounds, and was oncall again, only to be back around 10pm the next day.

Dear my beloved Damia me niece who always keep mentioning that all I do at home is sleeping, if only you could understand this, you won't blame me for coming home and sleep for sleeping is the best rest, after the long working hours with those sleepless nights. In medical. But please note that, not all days were like this anyway, especially in different posting.

Anyway, back to casualty. Only the 4th and above poster housemen are allowed to enter the department, so we won't get any new freshies here. The total of housemen in the department is reducing. Therefore, holidays are out of questions these days. Both my brothers' family are coming home for the upcoming eid (raya haji), and no holidays are allowed during the days they are back here. Now, these are the days I resent becoming a doctor.

I just pray that I will manage to apply a straight four days off I need in December, as I have already paid such a big amount for something I have long wish done. I give you a clue:

But I wonder if I had enough stamina for the much awaited event.

THE LOST COURTESY

2010-11-02T17:08:00.011+08:00

Today I was so upset and greatly reminded of the World of Courtesy ranking, produced by Reader's Digest four years ago. According to the ranking, which might not be accurate at all, Kuala Lumpur i.e. Malaysia is ranked the third least courteous country out of 35 cities of different countries included in the RD's global courtesy test.

A sudden regret fulfilled me for a while - I am not sure whether it was a regret of being a Malaysian, or being surrounded by majority of non courteous people where you cannot make a difference. Or a regret of not staying and work in the UK , and not even applied for a job there. Whatever it is, I feel guilty for having this regret, but it surely does bring back nice memories and life back in the UK, where everything seemed so easy and approachable. And the courtesy was at its most. I have been to most of the European countries and I think UK is still the best at courtesy.

Let me go through and see the differences:

In buildings with doors

UK
I was walking 5-10 steps behind someone before reaching to a double door, and that someone I never knew would turn back to see if anyone was at the back, smile and keep the door opened until I reached the door, that sometimes I had to walk really fast to not make them wait for too long.

Here
I was walking just behind someone's bum, even worse someone that I know who realised I was right behind them, and we were just about to enter a door with him/her right in front of me, and then....'bamm'. The door shut. Right in front of my face.

When you are in need a favour

UK
People would ask politely, with the nice "Do you mind....." or "can you help me with....." at the start and the magic word PLEASE at the end. Even when the favour asker was a specialist asking for some help from a medical student. And help is at your tip of finger, especially if the favour you are asking is totally the responsibility of the person you are asking the favour from.

Here
If you ask for a favour nicely, there is the slightest chance of you being entertained quickly and nicely. Even if sometimes it is supposed to be their job. Most of the time you have to ask them three times then either do it yourself or start shouting and complaining (then people will complain about you to the boss). Believe me, giving instructions, or telling people to do something with a raised voice gets the attention better. I have this one colleague who always give instructions instead of asking properly, and 'favour' done as instructed.

Hey, what is wrong with being courteous? Maybe they like instructions better.

At the workplace

UK
If a doctor needs to perform a procedure, a nurse will be around (we call them dirty nurse) so to help us keep sterile while they can get things for us. Even when I was a medical student, I get my own dirty nurse to insert a catheter.

Here
Me (in sterile condition needing another catheter of different size as I failed to insert two different sizes that I already prepared myself together with the catheterisation set) : Akak, boleh tak tolong amik CBD saiz 12 tak? Tolong eh kak, tengah sterile ni. Translate: Miss, can you please get me another size of catheter, size 12 please, I am currently steriled (shouting at 3am to the ***** who was gossiping at the counter, who were supposed to prepare the set after nicely being asked, twice.

***** (went to get the catheter that I asked for): Nah. Translate: Here you go (putting it on the trolley, without even bother to empty the sterile catheter into the sterile area, then went back to gossiping).

Don't I deserve a chaperone, even if you don't want to help me preapring the stuff or be my dirty nurse?

*ooops, I think this is a complaint already aye?

On the road

UK
I am not a good driver, but driving in the UK was way much easier. Imagine you were turning right at a T junction or you were changing lanes. Even if it was not too busy, they will flash their headlights to mean that "you go on. I will slow down for you".

After you give way to people, they will flash their headlight twice implying "thanks", and not enough with that, they will put up the hand, mumbling thanks, again to show their gratitude. And you will put your hand up, mumbling "you're welcome, glad to help".

Here
If somebody flashes the headlights, it means "It's my road. Don't you dare take over. I am speeding, can't you see?" I don't even dare to flash my lights to give way if I see someone is coming out of a junction I am turning into, just in case they misunderstand. So you see, there's no room to be courteous. You just cannot be humble on the road.

I was not in rush and let those from the front to pass first at the guard at entrance of my house, and I hardly get a hand showing thanks. Don't bother the lights.

And when I was grateful that people waited for me to pass the guard and put up my hand of gratitude, they just stared. Oh how I miss the courtesy of driving in the UK.

At the parking lots

UK
Disabled parking lots are really meant for the DISABLED. And the disabled people do come out and enjoy their life even if they have to use wheelchair to move. The buses are even properly designed for them so they can travel easier.

Here
SOOO many disabled people (parking for the disabled are always, always full), but I think most disabled people are usually stucked at their house and the only place they usually visit is the hospital.

And the ones below.... I cut and paste from Iris' blog, a good friend at the university, who is currently working in Selangor and just entered O&G department:

In encouraging labour
England
Midwife: Come on, push. Good girl. Push. You can do it. Push. You're doing very well. Just bear down. No, you're pushing the wrong way. Bear down. Push. Yes, gooood girl. You're doing reeeally well.
Here
MO: Push, push, push, push, PUSHHH. What are you doing? You're not pushing! You want the baby to die? If something wrong with the baby, it's on you. Push. Do you understand ar? How many times I must tell you?? EYYY, don't push to your face..see, flushed already.. haiya... DON'T LIFT UP YOUR BUTTOCKKKK!!

On the welfare of the juniors
England
During handovers amongs specialists and senior doctors, there are always cups of tea that you can have...with some biscuits..someone might bring their homemade cake to share. And I was only a medical student then. And the cups of tea flow endlessly. From 3rd year to final year. Made for you. By nurses.
Here
The Biggest Stitch: (On the suggestion to increase the number of beds for oncall house officers to sleep on) Actually I don't think housemen should sleep at all. It's good enough if you can sleep straight up in a chair. Or bring your own camping gear and camp in the parking lot. You think oncalls are for sleeping?? During my time............ etc.

Ego
England
When you gave the wrong answer to a pretty basic question:
Consultant: No, I don't think so. Try again.
Here
When you gave the right answer to a pretty basic question:
Specialist: [stare at you after your answer] Some more?
Me: Erm.. can't think anymore
Specialist: [to colleague] Read out your list of answers (prepared beforehand)
Colleagues: bla bla including the answer I gave earlier
Specialist: Why didn't you say that answer?
Me: I did!
Colleague: She did.
Others: Yeah. She did.
Specialist: No, I didn't hear it. Oh no, it's because I caught you cheating. You shouldn't be spoonfed. That's why I didn't count that answer.
Me: ????

*LOL on the labour room situation* She is in Selangor and exactly the same words are being used, I can imagine. Can you see, it is happening not only at my place, but also at other city. I bet if you go to the north, or south or West of Malaysia, in general, the situation would most likely be the same. Oh how encouraging we are!

I won't deny that I am also losing the courtesy, I wish I won't. And I blame the environment. Tell me, am I guilty for missing UK so much?

THE WISH LIST

2010-10-28T20:03:00.003+08:00

This is so what I really am in need of at the moment...

I will try to have The Lightweight this time. Of course, with the hope that I won't loose it. Perhaps I will have to chain it to me so not anyone can simply borrow it without returning this precious requirement to the owner.

ACLS COURSE

2010-10-27T18:04:00.010+08:00

I was wrong when I told you I was unfortunate not to be able to join the ACLS course. Apparently, Allah has planned better for me. Yesterday morning after the passing over session, when I was already mentally prepared to do my first shift at the red zone, I was told that the big boss wants me to join the course too. Hence, my morning shift was canceled.

So, total of three days of ACLS course. Yesterday, we only reviewed the basic and advanced life support algorhythm. Thanks to the recent BLS course, it did helped avoiding sleepy lectures on the first day. It is true that you learn more on what you already knew.

Today, the more complicated advanced cardiopulmonary life support was introduced. It is very useful, I'm sure. But I fell asleep on the afternoon lectures that I feel so guilty for the nice consultants giving the talks. I'm sure they could see me pretty clear with my eyes closed - how couldn't they when I was literally sitting right at the front seat? My eyelids just went too heavy and floppy. But thank god, I was wide awake during the last two lectures by the big boss - but, how wouldn't I when the big boss always gave me questions to answer?

Tomorrow will be the assessment day. MCQ and megacode i.e. practical session test. Teamwork today in the megacode practice was not satisfactory, my CPR was not the best, and I was failing myself with not sticking to what I was supposed to act as. I just hope I won't fail others tomorrow. Of course there's no need to worry about being a team leader as I was made into the last time - due to the fact that most other participants are either MOs from this hospital or from other health centers. Only five HOs are joining the course entirely and all are the new HOs in the department. People have been telling us how lucky we are, even the junior casualty MOs just had a chance to join the course, not the senior HOs too of course, so let alone new HOs finishing off their tagging. All five of us, we are not even officially start working as in charge at the department, but already been given the great chance of participation.

But this won't be good if it is going to create an issue, aye? Somemore, I was supposed to off tag for 2 days already, and I've been made off yesterday, and guess what? I just received a call from the HO leader - and he just rearranged so I don't have to work tonight (I'm supposed to work night shift today), so that I can study for the MCQ tomorrow. How nice! But seriously, I am starting to worry more if this is really going to make the issue worse. There have been queries at the background of why we get to go and why not others, you see. Very understandable as I might have queried the same too had I been long enough at casualty. I know this sounds selfish and I feel partly guilty about it, but how on earth exactly should I respond anyway - I am so not gonna let the opportunity off, you only get this once in a blue moon.

Headache with that. Headache with the numerous factitious algorhythmic lectures today. Headache with learning those guidelines, knowing that the latest ones are already on their way out, knowing that I will still need to learn the new ones later on. Let me just rest a bit for a while then maybe tonight I should really use the night off given to really study the nearly one centimeter thick ACLS guideline book, as that would have been what my pay is for, for today.

FINALLY THERE

2010-10-25T22:11:00.009+08:00

Today marks the two weeks of life at casualty. And some previous friendly M.O.s who saw me there today still thought I was there to see surgical cases. No, they are totally wrong.

I am going to officially work, starting tomorrow, a.m. shift at RED zone. First day in charge and already in red. Great. Preferrable than green still. Expectable cases - those with poor GCS or any candidates for intubation, those with chest pain, severe asthma or COPD exacerbations, severe trauma etc. Basically red is for severe cases needing very urgent and prompt treatment, yellow is semi-critical i.e. for those who are not as severe, but not as stable and green is for stable patients. So red for tomorrow. More things to learn, most likely typical cases, easier to discuss with M.O.s. Sounds daunting, but I think I like red. Or maybe I should be careful with my sayings coz tomorrow I might not like it at all.

I managed to intubate a patient today, but the one thing that made my day was that I managed to insert a short line CVP via internal jugular vein on the first attempt, under ultrasound guidance of course. It was my second try after the failed attempt on my first day tagging, remember? Lucky try today more than anything, but thanks to friends who were helping with the equipments. I love teamwork. More precisely, I love teamwork with people I can work with.

Anyhow, I bravely asked for an early leave from the nice M.O. so instead of still being at the hospital at this moment, probably glancing surreptitiously at the watch, hoping that 10.30pm will arrive soon enough - here I am, my fingers dancing on the keyboard, writing an entry to the blog. I left around 720pm after completed my Maghrib prayer. What a great day. Only later to realise how unlucky I am because the department will be having an ACLS course tomorrow, and apparently all the taggers are attending the 'what sound to be useful' course. Since I am already off tag tomorrow, I won't be able to join them, how unfortunate. I just thought I still need to work up on my very basic knowledge on life support, especially when it has something to do with ECG. Medical posting seems so long ago that all the details are no longer well stored in the brain.

So tomorrow it is. First day in charge. Morning shift. Red zone. Double shift the next day, then night off, something to look forward to. Hoping that everything will go well. Hoping to be given strength and good state of mind.

ALMOST THERE

2010-10-22T16:30:00.006+08:00

Today, I am officially off tag again. Another four days of tagging then I will formally considered start working, blending myself in the shift system at casualty. Almost there. It will not make much difference, I think. The jobs are the same, tagging or not. Less responsibility in tagging I suppose. The best part is that I won't have to work double shifts everyday like in the tagging period. There will be days I will only be working from 0730 to 1530. Plans are already pouring in my thought - one of them is to go and get a new pair of spectacles.

Too many things happened, but I can hardly recall what to share now. Not that I learned much new things. The one big lesson I have learned so far is how much I forget and not knowing my things. How shallow my knowledge is. There are just too much to learn. Even simple stuff that you practise everyday like the content of normal saline and hartmann solution. Worst, by knowing more, you will realise how much you still don't know. It is very upsetting, but life is a learning process anyway.

Yesterday I took diclofenac for my toothache, only then to realise that I am allergic to it. Itchiness and rashes started after nearly two hours taking it. Almost had my eyes swollen as I used to with ibuprofen, feels throat closing off. Self pre treated myself with IV hydrocortisone stat. Very scared to go to sleep yesterday, just in case my airway would suddenly collapse but I fell asleep easily anyway, thanks to piriton and tiring day. Weird, I can definitely tolerate ponstan, but maybe I should start avoiding any other NSAIDS now.

10 days in casualty and I still haven't got a chance to insert a chest tube or intubate a patient yet. I don't mind much about the latter, as I have done it in previous postings, but chest tube? It is one of my aims in casualty. I won't let myself do it the first time in a district hospital, without any supervision. Having myself alone to be responsible for it. Please let there be a chance. There's no more medical/surgical posting to find one. Unlikely needed in ortho or paeds, the upcoming postings.

11th day of tagging (off today, though, a very unproductive day regretfully). Had I known only two taggers are off on saturday, I would have come to work today and off on Saturday too. A quite tiring week that one night I could barely sleep for my legs were aching, not knowing what posture or position I should have slept in. But anyway, glad that I am almost there, although doubtful that I am competent enough to 'work' at casualty.

THE ATLS HIDDEN SIX

2010-10-17T07:04:00.000+08:00

I was looking for 'the hidden six' in secondary survey and found these slides - very good slides that I thought worth sharing it here. (read: good slides for medical personnel)

THE OFF TAG

2010-10-16T12:59:00.008+08:00

Today is the 5th day at casualty, but I am officially off tagging today. A&E is generous enough to allow two days off during the tagging weeks.

I have not been productive enough here. Feel like moving at a really slow pace, which does not sound right as I AM actually in the EMERGENCY department. Still blurr with where all the stuff are. And not that familiar yet with the staff and system. Using the new H.I.S system makes things rather slow too. FYI, we have now started using the computer system, so every clerking and progress at casualty needs typing in the system. Still in phase 1, started since August but at least in ward, only the discharge summary needs keying in, clerking using the computer is optional. Phase 2 is coming up this November, which is next month already! Can hardly imagine how the phase 2 is going to drag the serving times.

Yesterday I merely clerked 5 cases. Prepared myself to go for ambulance call, but never had a chance to do so. Two days ago, I attended a Basic Life Support course which finished at 5pm. It just reminded me of how much I detest doing chest compressions, I got out of breath even before completing the first complete cycle. And hey, what is wrong with counting slowly and only made the final five counts loud at the end - even with this, I still get breathless, let alone counting from 1 to 30 for 5 times with the simultaneous chest compression with each count. Worst, the Boss randomly picked on me to be the leader of the first megacode scene. It was a wrong decision to step on the right hand side of the mannikin and started CPR myself, when I was supposed to be giving instructions to my colleagues. To count, compress the hard mannikin's chest, think of what to do next and give the relevant instructions at the same time (plus knowing it was only an act) was just NOT feasible! I should have gone to do the bagging, then it would have been easier to think and instruct. I failed the megacode, I can totally see it at my boss' face.

Went to green zone on my second night tagging. It is the zone where all the stable patients will be coded in to. There is always a long list of patients there. Patients who are unstable or in agony are triaged in yellow and red zones. That night I was made aware that I won't be a good GP. Too many patients to see, sitting at the desk asking questions, sometimes made the patients lie on the bed for proper examinations, having to include all the differential diagnoses into account which can be so wide - these just don't 'entertain' me much. I'd prefer delivering a baby and making a mother happy. Or doing procedures. Or resuscitating patients despite how breathless I can be.

Anyway, I am off today, planning to do some readings which has not started yet, hopefully will be carried on after attending my colleague's newborn's aqiqah.

THE NEW ENVIRONMENT

2010-10-12T23:01:00.009+08:00

Today is the first day of tagging at emergency department. The concept of tagging is as usual, you go as early as 7am and get back home at 10.30pm (thanks to DG who just made this official). But the environment is totally different, of course. The most obvious one, there are no wards. Meaning no ward round. There is one small observation room, just enough to place four patients at once, but that does not need a rushed morning round as in my previous postings.

I arrived at the department at 7.15am today as the passing over session at casualty starts at 730am, wearing a pair of black court shoes, having already been warned by a friend to wear dark coloured proper footwear - I sort of aware of the shoe rules two years back when I was doing my elective there. Then I was chased off to go and get the formal letter telling I have passed surgical and allowed to move on to the next posting. I went to SOPD for the letter and saw my favourite Miss there, and undecidedly asked her again whether I really passed my viva the other day, as I knew I did very badly in the viva session I wish I turn back time to do it all over again. Worst, I feel so ashamed to see Miss, having not been able to answer her questions to standard. I am sure she expected more. She gave me her cute smile "yes Afifah, you passed". Good. But still feeling so ashamed.

But anyway, came back to casualty with that piece of precious paper, and I felt like every eyes were on me. Unplanned, I introduced myself to break the silence. Right after that and after a few further questions about previous postings etc, I was told to attend a BLS (basic life support) course on Thursday and an MCQ session today! Goodness gracious, first day of new life, and an MCQ is something that is out of expectation, seriously.

Time runs very quick in the morning. I happily and confidently volunteered to insert a central venous line via the IJC, ultrasound guided - it was a failed attempt though, the specialist took it over from me and easily passed it through. Then get myself out for a brief lunch, hurried back and clerked a paeds case before attending the CME & MCQ. It was my first paeds case I clerked after the posting in final year which was probably 3 years back by now. So horrible, I do not know how exactly I am going to survive paediatrics as my 6th posting.

Attended CME on cardiac arryhtmia. Suddenly being reminded of those wavy lines, which if they go flat, every lay people would also understand that it means the heart stops pumping. In medical term, we call these lines ECG (echocardiogram). They might be easy to read at some points but interpretations can be quite mean, and I can hardly recall all those medical management learned in medical posting for those haywire lines. One thing I should start focussing on. To make things worse, there was this one specialist who really do fancy asking questions to taggers - I have already been given a homework on how to do a carotid massage.

Then the MCQ begun. 25 questions, each with 5 true or false statement in 30 minutes. Some are surgical based questions eg trauma management, not too bad as I just came out of that rotation, but paeds based? Not so helpful. I answered them quickly (as this was only meant for a baseline pre-posting mark, I supposed) so I could go out to perform my Zuhur prayer before the discussion started. When I came back, half of the questions were already discussed, upset as I wanted to know the answers! It might come out again on my real exam to pass the posting, you see. The miracle is, I passed. Just borderline pass, though. But better than expected. It does not mean anything though as I will still need to pass another MCQ in 2 months time. Or even worse, as they would expect that after 2 months duration, the marks should have gone higher. Huh.

It was nearly five. Then was pretty much helping other H.Os and M.Os, it si quite good around here. This is where I see quite a great teamwork. Whenever a patient passed through those double door, someone will go and clerk, others will go and set IV line, take blood, fill up forms and call the relative for registration. I think this is what I like about casualty so far, although I think I myself was not that useful to others - I kept wasting time when people asked me to get something, I just do not know where things are! And I am not practised to be well aware of those who still need blood takings done etc. Briefly, still disorientated to how it works here but slowly getting there. There are cases like MI, UGIB that ended up with intubation but I think the most horrible case that I saw today was a thirteen year old schoolboy who came with a nail stucked in his right sole. Please watch where you step on. Please. Oh, I should have captured a photo of it, some of my colleagues did.

10.30pm sharp, and they started chasing me out of casualty. It was the time to go back (so good they all!). Tomorrow, there will be an audit done in our department and I am supposed to read on the four main CPGs - dengue fever, NSTEMI, asthma and DKA but here I am, for whatever reason, feeling so eager to write while searching for the answers to my new homework - I guess, starting to write again in the last few days has fueled my interest in writing again.

THE ONE WORKING YEAR

2010-10-09T19:03:00.003+08:00

It has been long since the last time I wrote.

It was a year ago when I started my very first posting in the O&G department, the subject I used to like when I was a student doctor. Yet another two days mark the one year of my working life. It has not been the most productive year. Yes I am working, but I just do not feel me being as active and sincere in what I am doing as I used to. Moaning is like a must in daily life. I hate it, trying so very hard to control myself but it is just inevitable. I wonder where has all the passion gone?

O&G and medical. The worst has passed. Surgery has been quite an enjoyable posting, especially when I was given a chance to perform appendicectomy by the nicest MO - it has been a turning point, I used not to enjoy the posting before - but now, I would not mind if being called back as an M.O. Provided my favourite Miss and HOD are still there. Logbook signed up and sent. Presentation done despite the rush after being cancelled and having to make a rearrangement. Viva is coming up tomorrow. I am hoping for an easy pass but those previous viva questions that came across me ears sound very tough, questions like what the expected results of FNAC and biopsy in breast/thyroid disease are (which I still have not been looking for the answers), so I will just pray for the best. I do not mind if they are going to extend me, provided they put me in SOPD and no oncalls for the 3 months extension time. And another appendicectomy! These sound great that I might ask for an extension myself, but why would I , if I do not have to?

Off for another two days before the next posting in the emergency department, starting Tuesday (provided I passed the viva). When I was in my first posting, every H.O. were saying A&E is the best posting in terms of the working time - they have their postcall day off you see. So like in the UK. But the new shift system does not sound as great as before, and worst, there has been complaints about it. No comment on my behalf now. Wait and see when I myself be in that department. In the meantime, I will free myself from thinking about hospital and enjoy the less than 72 hours of holiday. At home. So true, there is no place like home.

THE WRONG IMPRESSION

2010-06-04T15:47:00.007+08:00

I received some replies to my previous recent postings and I wonder if my blog entries since I started working have been putting the wrong impression about my personal view of a life as a houseman. People who read those posts might thought it is always the darkness that haunts a h.o. life. Well, it is nothing like that. At all.

To be honest, I usually write when I feel the need to express my feelings, so people know what it is like to be in my situation. It just feels good to let it out by writing. I am sure there are so many young doctors in my situation but nobody who just sees us as doctors would have understood our feelings. For example when a UK medical graduate stays to work oversea, people will say he forgets where he came from or he's so materialistic - like doctors are all crazy about money. They do not see the other issues that we are not satisfied with or we worry about.

Anyway, the fact that I very rarely write means that there were only few bad days in my life- if not I might have written more and more =P. There are always ups and downs in whatever we do, wherever we are. If you ask me now, I am happy with my working life, I just wish the system are more helpful and I could do something more. Nice M.O.s and specialists helps a lot of course. I am not an egghead, but I had survived O&G and soon to finish medical - the two most tiring postings (so they say), so I guess, it is not as bad as what I have been writing.

All the bad things that have happened that we do not like or disguise or regretted in doing them - they just add on to our experience. After all, experience is the best teacher, aye? And it is the mother of wisdom (so they say, again).

My advice to the future housemen: do not count your chickens until they hatch. Even though you might always heard about the bad side of our lives, it does not mean we do not enjoy our works. We just moan so people will understand. You will only understand when you become one.

BAD WEEK

2010-05-23T18:56:00.005+08:00

These few days I have been feeling very upset with the lab, with the nurses, even with the patients, but especially with myself. The peak was on Saturday, when I actually lost my temper on a patient that I think every patient in my ward could almost hear me scolding him. And I feel very terrible, it is still haunting me, even in my sleep. All those advice to be a good doctor received when I first graduated keep haunting me. But words are those things you cannot possibly take back. You can only wish you can turn back time and do it differently, but the fact is there is no time machine available and there will never be and you just have to accept that.

I blamed myself the most for not being able to cope with it. Being post call, the tiredness and the hunger, also the upsetting blood takings which sometimes provided me with no results at all, and the nurses who were not as helpful as what I expected them to be, and the patients with difficult veins and high demands not when the m.o.s are around, but only when they have long gone and I am left on my own to manage, plus, loosing 3 patients in a day - these all just add up to the weakness in me - I thought I have been very patient so far, but I lost it. I lost it already. I gave up.

It is never the patients' fault if they refused to do things we told them too - it is so up to them to decide, as the outcome will eventually be on them. (but again, how patient can you be with a non compliant patient who turned up to the ward very frequently even on day 2 post discharge?). We doctors just help managing them, in other way 'fix' them if possible and allowed to. I know I should never have scolded patients for moaning because who are us to determine how much pain they were in? I might not endure the same pain as my patients are enduring now.

The Prophet (saw) said, "The real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity."
Sahih Bukhari Volume 2, Book 23, Number 389

It hit me straight to the heart when I read this post at facebook from a good friend of mine. Indeed the real patience is far from me.

Today is the first time in medical posting in which I doubted my decision of coming back to work here. It makes me feel terrible. I actually very much enjoyed being in nephro ward, that I even asked for Kak Salmi to place me in the same ward for another 9 days before I move on to the next posting - surgical. But I just can't help it anymore.

How I wish there are tubing system here like in the UK where I can make sure blood goes right to the lab and not being wasted after all the hard work of difficult venesections. It hurts the patients too ok - and it took time to plead them for femoral blood as peripheral veins are either too thrombosed, or they are invisible and impalpable.

It is upsetting when I called the lab for important blood results at night time, when I had to wake up all night to review patients, and even waked them up from sleep just to see if haematocrite was rising - but nobody at lab even bothered to answer the phone because they were BUSY sleeping. Or when I needed ABG sent stat at night time, the PPK is nowhere when there are no diet to serve, nothing to do at night time but sleep and chat - yes, and it was all my duty so I had to leave the patient with a GCS of 6, went down to lab in hurry but then had to ring the bells for 4 times (harshly) to wake the lab staff up. If this is the case, PPK might as well work up to 10pm only, because doctors have to send blood to lab anyway.

And why is there no ABG machine in medical ward at all? (supposedly no budget, of course, how I forget Terengganu is one of the poorest country in Malaysia despite the money we should get from the petroleum). I have sent this suggestion to have the machine at least at neuro ICU, and the last time I went to the lab it was still there in the suggestion box, which funnily provides no pen nearby, as if no suggestion is encouraged at all.

This week has been terrible. I accepted the fact I am weak, but being unsatisfied with the system and all, I am changing my opinion to why doctors in the end leave government, or why medical students from developed country refuse to come back to Malaysia - it is because of how the system works here. I have to agree to the first few parts of this article, honestly because I have on my own been in this situation.

WHY WE LEFT AND WHY WE WILL CONTINUE TO LEAVE...

"Why be a slave in your own country, when you are a king in another?" He replied.

Indeed, if anybody would want to find a reason why all of us left, either after housemanship, after being a specialist, or even after sub specializing, and now, even prior to doing housemanship, they need not look at our payslip, or the wealth that we have gained overseas, but only to the Medical System that has been rotting in the ignorance and politic-based stupidity that Malaysia has been well-known for (in the medical field).

I have served the system for nearly 2 decades of my career, waiting for it to improve for so long, and only finding myself in despair, quitting with a 24-hour notice and serving abroad. The system is, in my opinion, keeping doctors, since the beginning of their career as House Officers to the end of it, in the lowermost priority. When I was working there, doctors are so ill-treated, while the nurses and the medical assistants are overpowering us.

I still remember the days when I was doing seeing patients and rounds as an MO, while the staff nurses would mind their own business, having breakfast in the pantry, or having gossip chats at their own leisure. My House Officers would then have to do merely all the labour-work, up to the extent of setting intravenous drips, and serving medications. If I am to expect the nurses, my patients would have been dead, or the work would have been too slowly or incompletely done.

When I was a House Officer, I had to run down 4-5 floors just to review a blood investigation of a dying dengue patient. The ward staff would either be nowhere around, or will say that he is busy (busier than the doctor?) or the answer I got at that time:

"Doktor nak cepat, doktor turun sendirilah, gaji doktor lagi banyak dari saya"

Read the rest of article here.

I am loosing my innocence (konon) day after day, and I hope I won't loose my patience inappropriately anymore as I do not want to be who I am afraid I will turn out to be.

RINTIHAN KEPADA PESAKIT-PESAKIT

2010-04-10T19:14:00.003+08:00

DI HOSPITAL KERAJAAN

1. Kepada pesakit yang dibenarkan pulang...

Ketahuilah, kami sangat-sangat gembira apabila anda dibenarkan pulang. Maka sekiranya kami lambat menyediakan surat discharge anda, itu adalah kerana kami sibuk dengan tugas-tugas lain yang terhad masanya, contohnya mengambil darah-darah pesakit lain yang perlu dihantar sebelum habis office hour atau menghadiri CME (satu-satunya sesi formal untuk menambahkan ilmu kami yang tidak seberapa) yang berlangsung pada waktu yang ditetapkan atau berjumpa dan merawat pesakit yang perlu diberi rawatan segera. Ketahuilah, bukan anda seorang yang mahu keluar dari hospital ini secepat yang mungkin, kami juga begitu, lebih-lebih lagi kalau malam semalam kami oncall dan tiada ruang untuk melelapkan mata, maka bekerja terus menerus lebih 36jam. Bukan niat kami untuk melambatkan proses anda keluar dari hospital, tapi fahamilah anda bukan seorang sahaja yang kami perlu cater. Dan bukan anda seorang sahaja yang mahu pulang awal. Kadang-kadang solat pun hujung waktu, makan pun tak....anda marah macam kami duduk goyang kaki sengaja melambatkan anda balik.

2. Kepada pesakit yang anggap kami bertanya soalan secara suka-suka...

Mungkin ada sesetengah pesakit terutamanya yang sudah lama berada di hospital dan ramah pula, maka mungkin doctor-patient relationship dah menjadi lebih informal, dan biasanya ini tiada masalah sebab rasanya boleh tahu siapa yang kita boleh bergurau-gurau dan bercakap lebih informal. Tapi pastinya bagi pesakit baru, soalan-soalan yang kami tanya menjurus kepada untuk merawat anda, bukannya saja suka-suka. Contohnya, 'kenapa pakcik datang sini malam ni?' atau bila dah diberi jawapan dengan pandangan serong 'sebab sakitlah!', kami bertanya elbih lanjut lagi kenapa malam-malam begini kalau dah 2-3 hari lepas start sakit, tolonglah jangan menyindir 'sebab terbuka hati nak datang'. Percayalah, ada sebab kenapa kami bertanya. Contohnya seorang makcik yang datang sebab terpijak paku 2-3 hari lepas. datang pukul 2 pagi sbb katanya dari siang bergaduh dengan anak takmahu datang. akhirnya datang sebab pening kepala tak buleh tidur. Pening kepala adalah sebab datang, bukannye sebab terpijak paku. rupanya ada tekanan darah tinggi yang emergency.

3. Kepada pesakit yang mengadu doktor suka ambil darah, macam drakula.

Percayalah, kalau bukan untuk monitor anda, kami (saya-lah especially) adalah sangat malas untuk ambil darah. lagi-lagi kalau yang banyak-banyak botol maka banyaklah pula kena mengisi borangnya - lainlah kalau hospital kat malaysia ni dah macam kat uk, a lot of time saved by printing out blood forms. Lagi-lagi kalau kena bangun pukul 2 pagi ambil darah ABG (darah nadi) semata-mata, ataupun darah PTTK. Bukan sengaja. Mereka yang ada sakit jantung dan diberikan ubat yg berjalan dalam mesin tu, memang kena monitor darah anda setiap 6 jam, sebabnya ubat tu mencairkan darah anda, kita nak monitor takut-takut darah terlebih cair, maka risiko berlaku pendarahan kat mana-mana pulak, contohnya otak. Ya, ada sebab. bukan sengaja. Sanggup lagi saya tidur daripada saja mengambil darah anda pada malam-malam buta, kalau fikir logik akal pun, betul kan?

Nanti sambung lagi....

DEMOTIVATED

2010-03-07T22:01:00.003+08:00

It has been a while since the last entry. And with this entry, it is a goodbye to the story of people giving birth, or women with spontaneous abortion. Or being upset with those unmarried teenagers who can hardly bare the consequences of their own acts.

It is now all medical, and since I am placed in the male ward, I temporarily won't have to make any contact with the o&g department. The ward I am holding responsibility now is the worst one so far - it is always full and jobs never get done - the lists just go on and on and on like it will never come to an end. It has been nearly a month (omg) I am in medical now. And if you ask me how I feel; I feel like I have never been to medical school before! Too many stuff in medical, giving me reasons why I like o&g better.

But I still cannot see where my future lies. Definitely not medical, that is for sure. At least for now. Every day I found it hard to motivate myself - it is like I am a body without a soul, doing jobs just because I have to, and not because I enjoy doing it. The only thing that motivates me now are my nice ward M.O.s and specialist as well as a good team.

I need motivation, seriously.

DOCTORING part II

2009-12-11T20:29:00.002+08:00

M.O. : Did you know what happened with .... (something about the current news which I can barely remember)
Me : What?
M.O : Ooo I forgot. H.O. doesn't really have time to follow news
Me : *sigh*

I'd normally do not read news anyway. I usually prefer to watch the news. I read only news that does not come out on telly e.g. what says PAS/PKR or whatever non goverment party re some issues.

But since being a houseman, I rarely watch the news, let alone reading any. I always do turn my laptop on when I come back home, but most of the time ended up in the bed, falling asleep unplanned. I think I slept too much already, but my body is still aching, I have no idea what the causes would have been.

And lately I have this weird thing at the end of my meals - strong smell of liquor always stopped me from eating further. Lucky it always happened at the end of meals, or else I would have lost lots of weight already! I guess too much of ARM (artificial rupture of membrane) already! Weird, as I left labour room for 2 weeks now, and never had that problems when I was in charge before.

Anyway, today marks 2 months of my working life in O & G department. Things have been going better than before - I believe I have learned loads of stuff especially the practical ones, but I long for more teaching as I know there are lots and lots of things I still need to know. Especially thinking that I might be sent off to anywhere; where I might need to decide on everything and will not have M.O.s/specialists to consult - trust me there are loadssss of stuff beyond my shallow knowledge I am holding on to. The first viva is soon expected, and I can confidently say i am not yet ready for it.

And I still hate making decisions, being h.o. sometimes you have no idea when to decide by yourself and when to consult if something is so obscured but I guess that is just the simple rule of being a houseman. Every week we are being audited for mistakes we have done(which I believe in some cases, h.o. should not be blamed at all), but I do like being there when the audit was done as we learn so much from mistakes. (but despite saying this, I hope I will never be the one being audited *sigh* God I just hope this wont jinx)

So that is 2 months of working life - I still have not taken any leaves yet (I gave up the last time I tried to apply one). Please pray I will get some at the end of this year as I really badly need some holidays.

THE VICIOUS CIRCLE

2009-12-05T10:40:00.005+08:00

by Ija (who I usually agree with, and whom I miss so much - we are working in the same hospital, but very rarely seen each other)

It has been a circle from the earliest of human developement. But as we are living in a community which demonstrates such a cruelty, it is a shame if we can't see it with our very own eyes.

It is not far from me, seeing what is happening in Terengganu, a state taken as an example. Known for its glorious culture,food and OiL it is also known as one of the poorest states. It is.

Truthfully, the federal earnings from our valued source-OIL is such of a great number. The federal earns multi billions from that. The people in Terengganu should actually at least get something in return - a proper education, facilities and at least a proper health service. But they are not.

So many people had realised and claimed that if the earnings are 'used' properly by the federal, each of us can at least enjoy a decent allowance monthly. The gas for cooking will be free! Education should not be a problem. The villagers can have a proper transportation getting to the hospitals. The students from remote areas can enjoy schooling as they do not have to wait for hours and hours to get a lift to the school. What a shame to the superiors who had let these happening.

Now that the earnings are being swallowed and smuggled into their own pockets, they are the ones who are responsible for the consequences of these poor people.

I want to show a typical example. It all started from being in an unstable poor family. Imagine a boy having to stop school because there is no breadwinner and he has to be one. He does not like school cause it's very hard to get to. Starts working catching fishes in the sea with fellow adolescents, eventually gets into drug abusing. It is very common here. Or they get into this popular social activity -they went merempit. Got into an accident, and admitted to the hospital.

These rempits got somone killed. The rempits got comatosed. The parents are worried sick everyday, taking care relentlessly with sleepless nights. The mother patiently cares for the boy who is now require an attention of an infant. And when they are conscious , they get back into their attitudes-being rude and not thankful to the parents. But the parents keep being calm,thinking their child is unstable hence letting them to be as such.

I am pointing out that if at least if these people get their proper education, the chance of them being a social junkie is much less. And why did they not get the education they deserve? Because those responsible in providing it is not doing their jobs.

The circle of social problem does not start with poor home education. It starts from the government. It starts from the way resources are being given to the people. It is even worse when the money is there, instead it is going to the wrong hands. This is a circle which should be destroyed, as more poeple will suffer the consequences.

DOCTORING part I

2009-10-30T23:37:00.005+08:00

1. Requirement for a houseman.

This part is specifically for medical students who soon are going to do noble jobs of doctoring. If you think the main criteria you are obliged to have is to know everything especially the theory part of medicine - you are completely wrong. When your university said they want to produce a safe doctor who are able to treat patient, they are totally right with the aim. As a houseman, this is your job: You will be seeing many patients with various different presentations, either as referred cases or first hand patients then you have to decide what to do next and if there is need to ring the senior, just pray that they are in good mood (and not just woke up from sleep!).

If you study in the UK and pampered with the rules of giving feedback - that is to start with positive things and then only go on with the negatives - in which case, no matter how stupid or how wrong you are, most of the time you will still get credit and be motivated that way because people will start with 'the things that u did good was....' and end with '...but you can improve on .......', so if you are being pampered with this kind of feedback, please please please prepare yourself for a total 360 degree change where most of the time you might be criticised and the only means of learning might be through critics, or even humiliation. Especially if your brain works very slowly particularly under pressure (like mine), there is no other things you can do apart from you motivating your own self and continuous prayer asking for a better tomorrow if not a better you. I am sure all the seniors want you to be good doctors even when you are being told off by them - it is probably like parents scolding off the kids so they become useful people later on

In summary, if you want to prepare yourself to become a houseman, learn this:
1. Familiarise yourself with learning by humiliation/critics.
2. Do your jobs very very very quickly or you will be stuck in the ward forever.
3. Be able to present patient very concisely.
4. Know the name (especially specialists) of the person you are going to talk to before talking to them. Make full use of the committee chart even though the picture might be too small or too old for you to recognise the person you are yet to see.
5. Agree wholeheartedly that doctoring is a noble job and you are not to become a doctor because of the typical reason 'my parents want me to'. Holding tight to religious teaching and having Him who always listens helps.
6. Able to say no to jobs during your tagging duration because that is the only time you can learn even though patients are supposed to be your everything once you become a doctor. If you don't learn during the tagging time, you are in big trouble to learn
7. Familiarise yourself being called 'doctor' on your first day of placement.
8. Have lots of practical knowledge not just theory and be able to put them together quickly and be able to impress the consultants.
9. Appreciate that H.O = humble orang. If you did wrong, you are wrong. If you did nothing wrong, you are still wrong. If you did right and being blamed for, you are still wrong. Try not to answer back. This is the hardest thing of all I think, as human beings naturally have the tendency to defend themselves.

(to be continued, if there is time and mood)

I know the way I am writing this, it sounds so bad, but what I know is I am learning and trying to improve every day (slowly maybe, but getting there hopefully), and it is not actually that bad when you are enjoying the learning and jobs and the talking to the patients bits. I just hope I will survive my 5 consecutive EOD (every other day) oncall starting Sunday. Wish me the best!

PRE PROLOGUE

2009-10-18T00:03:00.004+08:00

"I do solemnly declare that as a doctor of Medicine from Newcastle University, I will exercise my profession to the best of my knowledge and ability for the good of all persons:

- I will make the care of my patients my first concern, keep my professional knowledge up to date, and recognise the limits of my professional competence;
- I will treat every patient politely, with respect and dignity;
- I will treat my patients considerately, respect their views, provide them with information and involve then im decisions about their care;
- I will work with colleagues in healthcare professions in ways that best serve my patients' best interest;
- I will respect and aid those learning to acquire skills and competencies for the care of the patients;
- I will be honest and trustworthy, respect and protect confidential information, ensure that my personal beliefs do not prejudice my patients care, act quickly to protect my patients from risk, and will not abuse my position as a doctor.

In all this matters I will never discriminate unfairly against my patients or my colleagues. I will hold in due regard the honourable obligations of the medical profession doing nothing inconsistent therewith. Above all, I dedicate my professional life to the service of those entrusted to my care."

This is to remind myself the oath we all (the Newcastle students) have taken when we graduated as doctors.

THE PROLOGUE

2009-10-11T20:38:00.004+08:00

I have just completed my induction and BTN course this afternoon. By right, I have already started working six days ago, as the pay slip for new doctors starts on the very first day they attend the induction. Induction was ok although I was expecting more talks about how health system works in Malaysia especially knowing that more than 99% of the participants were oversea graduates. And I do not have any intention to make any comments about BTN - loads of the government servants must have already known what it is all about!

I had survived my five years MBBS course which tortured me the most in my third year. I had survived the nearly two months well deserved break which had turned out to be too boring at some points that I had crazy thoughts haunting me (thank goodness Harry Potter books saved me from those thoughts - and by the way, raya and having a full house was great!)

I had survived the six days period of induction and BTN course, learning more about being a government servant in general or the so called 'house officers' in particular, and being proud to be a Malaysian, and not to forget the latest slogan that we have - the '1 Malaysia'. I had survived the long journey back to home, being the passenger for the first time at the backseat of the soon to be TAW 997. I had survived the very long thought about future life throughout the whole journey (minus two hours of the badly needed fine quality sleep, finally!) although practically I am still left with no wise decision.

After hibernating for nearly two months, today is very tiring! But I believe today is just the prologue. Tomorrow is chapter 1 - where the new era begins!

ps: to the patients coming to Hospital Sultanah Nur Zahirah, Kuala Terengganu, please beware of this new doctor coming to serve you.

MEDICAL STUDENTS, CONSIDERING ...

2009-08-20T12:31:00.004+08:00

BUYING THE LATEST EDITION OF THE OXFORD HANDBOOK OF CLINICAL MEDICINE?

RE: new edition (Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine Feedback Form)

Thursday, 20 August, 2009 4:36 PM

From:"Ox Med Comments"

To:"afifah jaafar"

Dear Dr Jaafar,
many thanks for your email (and congratulations on your recent
qualification!). You've done right to ask, as the eighth edition is just
around the corner - we're working on the proofs now, and will expect to
see it in the shops early next year. I would recommend waiting until
Jan-Feb, when the new edition will be available for purchase. Many
thanks for your interest in the book, and we hope you will like and
enjoy the new edition.
Best wishes,
Mark Knowles

Systems and Online Development Manager
Tel: +44 (0) 1865 35 4024
Fax: +44 (0) 1865 35 3817
Email: mark.knowles@oup.com

-----Original Message-----
From: afifah jaafar [mailto:fifa_0304@yahoo.com]
Sent: 19 August 2009 04:22
To: Ox Med Comments
Cc: fifa_0304@yahoo.com
Subject: new edition (Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine Feedback
Form)

------------------------------------------------------------
Comments sent via OXFORD HANDBOOK OF CLINICAL MEDICINE Feedback Page
------------------------------------------------------------

COMMENTS:
Hi,

I am just wondering if you are going to publish the 8th edition any time
soon, and if so, when? It is just that the last time I brought the 6th
edition, the 7th one came out a month after that and I was a bit
frustrated as the 7th one is much better I have to say (well done!). I
am thinking of buying the 7th one, but thought it is worth asking and
waiting if the 8th one is coming out very soon. Please could you advise
me on this matter.

Thank you.

Afifah Jaafar
Newly graduated medical student

THE GROWING ALARM

2009-08-18T15:02:00.004+08:00

A few days ago when I was reading the NST, an article by Koh Lay Chin, "Growing alarm over sexualisation of young girls" caught my attention. She had been watching how girls as small as 4 years old, dancing like a grown up with all those sexy moves. She speaks her concerns over the topic wisely, and I would have to agree 100% to what she was saying.

"But there was something hinting at sexiness in those tiny moves, and I was not the only one who felt an awkward twitch by it. Apparently, parents and adults are getting more of those awkward twitches every day by the sexualisation of young girls, who feel the need to look, act, move or speak in a certain way to get attention or keep up with their peers."

May I also quote her last paragraph of the article:

"I can laugh about all this now since I don't have children, but I dread what I'll do in the future should I see my young child doing the provocative "booty shake". Summoning a crowd or videotaping it for posterity? Nay, I may just have to blow up the television set and lock Buttercup in a room forever. And ever."

I have been watching some ads on the telly promoting a tv show called bintang kecil or whatever equivalent (can hardly remember what the show was). Presumably, it is a singing competition between the young children since there were short clips of them singing in the ads. And dancing to the song, of course! Well, maybe I am just exaggerating the show, but I am sure there are lots of tv show nowadays that encourage kids to do some very provocative acts and I wonder what the parents think when they allow their kids to do such things.

May I quote again Koh Lay Chin last sentence:

"I may just have to blow up the television set and lock Buttercup in a room forever."

THE GRADUATION

2009-08-12T12:28:00.008+08:00

I knew this is too late already, but just to thanks all that have made it all possible. Especially the batch, the family, housemates and friends, the teachers and most importantly The Lord of course. And thank God all Malaysians in our batch graduated this year!

*missing in the Malaysian batch picture: Iris, Nithia and Su Ann.

So that was the end of the student life, and honestly I do not really look forward to the working life that quick. At least not at the moment. I am back in the hometown now - but everyday, I wake up thinking that it is no more holiday this time. Unlike the previous summer holidays, I am not going back to Newcastle, not within few years time at least. And that makes me miss Newcastle so much, especially that I have no clue to when I will be seeing the people I love there.

But yesterday has gone and all I have is today.

OSCE 2009

2009-06-05T18:32:00.006+08:00

Glad I have finished it now. Currently am sitting in the library cluster after picking up an EMQ and MCQ book for medical finals - to prepare for the next two papers. I feel like giving myself a rest today, I deserve one at least. Weather does not let me to wander around in the city centre - it is raining today, so here I am in the library writing up my blog.

Just to recall the OSCE stations I had this morning (and I will save this post until tonight so it will be fair for all the students in morning and afternoon circuit, just in case people do google for the questions). It was quite fair, although I agree with Helen, are we not supposed to take history anymore? No history station at all, apart from the suicide risk assessment.

STATION 1: EXAMINATION - respiratory system

STATION 2: PROCEDURE - blood transfusion, prescription, cannulation

STATION 3: EXAMINATION - Praecordium: not sure what murmur it was but there was definitely a murmur, loudest at mitral area

STATION 4: SUICIDE RISK - stressful;the actor was really reluctant to speak, the examiner was not smiling or as friendly either. I think I might have failed this one, although I hope I did not

STATION 5: EXAMINATION - Hand. Obvious psoriatic lesion on elbow, painful DIP PIP joints, onycholysis. This gave me wide smile, definite psoriatic arthritis. But I did not manage to finish all the function and movement test as not enough time. Probably spent to much time describing the psoriasis. Hope will pass this one.

STATION 6: ILS - as expected. A bit disappointed though coz it did not feel real, did not have to attach the machine, a bit blurr and kept asking the examiner do I need to do this or that, is the help here bla bla bla.

STATION 7: EXAMINATION - Diabetic feet. Glad I had a look at his footwear as he was wearing special one. Borderline pass/fail - I think I missed a few stuff. There was no obvious abnormalities that I can comment on. This came out in third year and I remember failing it despite the obvious findings I found on the patient.

STATION 8: PROCEDURE/EXAMINATION - Cervical smear and bimanual examination on dummy

STATION 9: EXAMINATION - abdominal but just asked to only examine the abdomen. Definitely a lump, very vague. Examiner not looking too friendly

STATION 10: EXAMINATION - Asked to examine the eye. VERY vague and unspecific instruction. And worse, I DID NOT NOTICE THAT THERE WAS A SNELLEN CHART PROVIDED, neither did I mention it. It was only when Kate asked how the Snellen chart should be in reality - then I went "Was there a snellen chart????". Arggghhh.

STATION 11: DEATH CERTIFICATE - straight forward case. Bronchopneumonia due to R anterior circulation stroke. Even had extra time drink, it was the last station for too. I will be very upset if I fail this one.

STATION 12: KARDEX - 3-4 pages of patient's notes. Asked to write down new cardex as it was lost during transfer to ward. Also to add Abx. My first station, was bit blank coz didnt look up at the instruction (as it was pasted on the wall/door and I was sitting looking down reading to the notes). But got there eventually except no time to prescribe any drugs on the plan list. Might have failed this one too.

STATION 13: VIDEO - Ward round notes. LOTS and LOTS of details, really impossible to listen and write down all of them (for me). Hope I will get marks for all the simple details on the sheet.

STATION 14: VIDEO - psychiatry video SAME as OSCE IN THIRD YEAR!!!!! Did not expect this was going to come out again, so did not pay much attention to it. Failed the one in third year, not sure how I did this time.

STATION 15: KARDEX - patient with NON STEMI. Was asked to prescribe 3 drugs (cant remember) but not sure if I need to add others. The only one I had time for was clopidogrel - not sure if I will be penalised to have prescribed that as it was not on the list.

So there you go. One fourth of the assessment of the five years torture in medical school. Can hardly wait to finish the other three...and to qualify! (insyaAllah if thats best for me)

OSCE TOMORROW

2009-06-04T20:56:00.009+08:00

I have received some texts from few people wishing me the best for tomorrow - BIG THANKS to all. Yesterday, I wished the OSCE was this morning, coz I can hardly wait to finish OSCE so that I can move on to do some readings quickly. Today, I cannot believe it is tomorrow - the day we have to put in everything that we have learnt (or not) in the past 5 years of medical school.

I had a nervous breakdown far too early this time. I think it was between 2-3 weeks ago. Then, alhamdulillah it has been alright so far although frankly, at the back of my mind, there is still this worry that **** (but I am not gonna say this - I always, always throw this away as far as I can).

"Kalau Iffa buat camni, macam Iffa sangka buruk kat Allah, kan tak baik. Exam pun belum, kita usaha lah dulu". Yes. I had a moment of a serious breakdown, and I know that was bad. Shame on me.

Thanks to a friend who has always been there for me.

Everyhting that I have said previously is all coming back to me. Whether I pass or fail this one, it has all been written. All that I need to do is to put some effort into what I am doing, so to gain His mercy and as it is one important rule of sunnatullah. I have a few hours left before OSCE tomorrow - and to me, all I really need at this moment is to keep telling myself that I can do it. We all can do it. InsyaAllah.

I am just hoping and praying that we will all be very calm and able to understand the questions and finish it in 7 minutes each time. And hopefully I will not have that horrible sleep tonight where I will wake up every hour or so, looking at the time, worrying that I will be late for the exams. (I am sure lots of people do this too).

Okay, please pray for us.

ps: Hoepfully I will be able to take Dr Dark's advice til tomorrow; everything is in your head. You are going into the exams knowing that you will pass it. It really boosts up the confidence if you keep saying that. Try it!

RAHMA

2009-05-13T07:11:00.007+08:00

I bought this CD so that I can play it in the car while driving around at least 35 miles every weekdays of my placement in Wansbeck General Hospital. Yes, I have to buy the original CD - the CD player apparently only accept ori ones.

It was worth the money. I like all of of the nasyeed in this album. Not a lot, only eight. But all have very deep meaning - and just today, I was paying attention to the lyrics of the fifth track (I think) - knowledge is light. Hit me straight to the heart.

Shakautu ila Waki` su'a hifdhi
wa arshada-ni an tark al-ma`asi
wa akhbara-ni bi anna ilman nur
wa nur Allah la yu`ta al-`as

The great Imam ash-Shafi', he went to his teacher Waki`
Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
He told him, 'abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.'

It is so frustrating to read the same topic all over again, yet not to be able to answer or explain when being asked about it. Very, very frustrating. Please help us all, Allah.

My CURRENT FAVOURITE NASYID

2009-05-02T00:26:00.005+08:00

Kalimatan habibatan ila ar-Rahman
Khafifatan `ala al-lisan, thaqilatan fi al-mizan

Subhanallahi wa bi hamdih, subhanallahi al-azim

"There are two phrases which are beloved of the Most Merciful, light on the tongue, yet heavy on the scales (of reward): glory be to Allah and all praise to Him, glory be to Allah, the Mighty."

MY IMPORTANT DATES

2009-04-20T05:02:00.002+08:00

STAGE 5 (MBBS)
EXAMINATION FOR THE DEGREES OF
BACHELOR OF MEDICINE AND BACHELOR OF SURGERY

Provisional Timetable

JUNE 2009

Friday 5 June 2009
9:00 AM OSCE

Thursday 11 June 2009
2:00 PM Paper 1

Friday 12 June 2009
2:00 PM Paper 2

Tuesday 16 June 2009
8:00 AM MOSLER

Wednesday 17 June 2009
3:00 PM Pass list published to LSE and noticeboard

As usual, please please pray for our success, may that be the best for us. Congratulations to those who have already passed your finals - I have to admit I am so jealous (but happy too) for you guys and girls. I can hardly wait for this to finish, yet I am very reluctant to sit for the exams considering the very little knowledge stored in my brain now.

Pray that we will put our best effort in this before leaving the decision solely to Him, and pray that we will accept whatever the results are.

***panic attack has now begun***

THE HIPPOCRATIC OATH

2009-04-03T22:56:00.003+08:00

I swear ~~by Apollo the healer, by Aesculapius, by Health and all the powers of healing, and call to witness all the gods and goddesses~~ that I may keep this Oath and Promise to the best of my ability and judgement.

I will pay the same respect to my master in the Science as to my parents and share my life with him and pay all my debts to him. I will regard his sons as my brothers and teach them the Science, if they desire to learn it, without fee or contract. I will hand on precepts, lectures and all other learning to my sons, to those of my master and to those pupils duly apprenticed and sworn, and to none other.

I will use my power to help the sick to the best of my ability and judgement; I will abstain from harming or wronging any man by it.

I will not give a fatal draught to anyone if I am asked, nor will I suggest any such thing. Neither will I give a woman means to procure an abortion.

I will be chaste and religious in my life and in my practice.

I will not cut, even for the stone, but I will leave such procedures to the practitioners of that craft.

Whenever I go into a house, I will go to help the sick and never with the intention of doing harm or injury. I will not abuse my position to indulge in sexual contacts with the bodies of women or of men, whether they be freemen or slaves.

Whatever I see or hear, professionally or privately, which ought not to be divulged, I will keep secret and tell no one.

If, therefore, I observe this Oath and do not violate it, may I prosper both in my life and in my profession, earning good repute among all men for my time. If I transgress and forswear this oath, may my lot be otherwise.

ps: for medical students, this might be part of your job interview questions.

THE WAR

2009-03-24T05:01:00.003+08:00

Balai Newcastle organised a wonderful program last weekend and one of the activities was paint balling. I have always wanted to play it to be honest. I thought of not playing while on my way as I was soooooo tired and exhausted I couldn't describe it, and I arrived there a bit late too. And I do not like the fact that they put us as a mixed team (girls and boys). But the moment Amni came up to me and told me that she just realised that she is actually not brave enough to be in the war, then I too wanted to feel and know how brave I am. So I played one last game and my group was left with only a few bullets.

I did achieve my objective of playing - I now know I seriouslly am not that brave. Of course I can give excuse that it was my first game, I had no clues how to play it when everybody else was immensed with the game. Only after that I had that adrenaline rush of wanting to go back and fight as much as I can, get the strategy on route etc, and that was only when I knew it was not so painful being hit by the paintballs. Otherwise, I believe I'd still be scared to death.

Before playing, I was a real coward. When I test my first shot, I saw and heard how hard the fake bullets hit the target and I was damn worried if they were going to hurt and bruise me. The trembles, the worries, the panics etc - I seriously can't describe it in words. I can flashback my act during that fake war in my head now and I hate myself for being such a coward.

At one point during the short game, I wondered if it was a real war. I started to imagine that it was the war in Gaza and I was left with only some bullets to be used PRN. How frightening that would be!!! And paintballing was nothing as compared to real war - the most horrible thing you can get out of it are short term stinging pain or worse, bruisings that will eventually heal (unless it is your time to die at that time anyway); but in real war, you know if you go out and careless and have nothing to protect you, it is death that you are looking forward to. I repeat, D.E.A.T.H.

No wonder Allah lifts up those who went to war because of Him. No wonder it was not easy for the munafiqun to be in the war during the past time. No wonder those who went for Badar were promised the jannah. I am amazed with all of them. I am amazed with the people in Gaza, the people in Palestine, in Iraq, elsewhere - I am amazed with the kids there - they have no weapons and they are really brave, throwing the small stones toward sthe illegal occupants when they are facing the heartless soldier holding real machineguns, knowing the bullets could go through their heads anytime. May be they have no world to live for anyway, so they are never afraid of the death which hopefully will lead them to the eternal lives.

I guess there is no such word as empathy, as you can never really be in someone's shoes and fit in the way that person is putting them on. Even if you be in their shoes for three days, a week, a year. I really don't think it is possible. But of course the least thing we can do is to show empathy and help praying for them. I just hope that I am not going to back up if I am going to be in that situation.

Let alone the physical war, we have to bear in mind there is a war that all muslims are facing now and that is the mind war with very obscured booby traps we can fall into - I can hardly face it and work my way through if I don't have people reminding me to be on the best path, always. And other than that, I am struggling to concentrate on the war in my student world - my exams is in 2 months time (plus minus). Pray for the best for me, please!

ps: after exams, paintballing again? girls only though (it will never be fun playing whilst being conscious to make sure you do not run into a guy, even harder when you have no idea who are behind the masks).

UDARA DALAM PARU-PARU?

2009-02-17T19:26:00.005+08:00

'Pneumothorax' ialah udara yang terperangkap di sebelah paru-paru. Kebanyakan kes berlaku secara spontan (tiada sebab yang dikenalpasti) kepada lelaki belia yang sihat walafiat. kadang-kadang ia berlaku disebabkan oleh kecederaan pada bahagian dada ataupun disebabkan oleh penyakit paru-paru yang telah sedia ada, contohnya lelah (asthma). Simptom yang biasa adalah sakit dada yang tiba-tiba dan sangat spesifik di mana anda boleh tudingkan dengan jari anda di mana anda rasa sakit tersebut. Kadang-kadang sakit dada terasa bila anda menarik nafas, kadang-kadang anda boleh jadi lelah (tidak cukup nafas atau susah bernafas). Kebiasaannya, penumothorax tidak memerlukan rawatan selain daripada ubat tahan sakit seperti paracetamol (panadol). Jika perlu, doktor anda akan berbincang tentang rawatan lain.

Satu ketika dulu saya pernah tulis tentang penyakit talasemia dalam bahasa melayu. Ramai juga yang buka entry tersebut, mungkin disebabkan kurangnya website lain yang menerangkan tentang penyakit-penyakit fizikal dalam bahasa kebangsaan saya.

Sepanjang bergelar pelajar perubatan, memang saya sering ditanya tentang penyakit-penyakit oleh sahabat-sahabat dan sanak saudara, walaupun banyak kali rasanya tak mampu untuk saya terangkan dengan baik, tapi inilah hakikatnya - hidup sebagai seorang pelajar medik - soalan-soalan begini sangat common dan akan common untuk sepanjang hidup saya.

Sebentar tadi, saya telah ditegur oleh seorang sahabat yang bertanyakan tentang penyakit 'udara dalam paru-paru'. Saya copy dan tampal perbualan tadi kalau-kalau ada yang ada soalan yang sama, inilah jawapan ala-kadar saya yang hanyalah seorang pelajar perubatan.

t: assalamualaikum
iffa: wslm wbt
t: kalu x bz, nak tanye sket ttg hal2 medic
iffa: boleh nsyaAllah
x: tau tentang sakit, paru2 masuk angin?
t: ada udara dlm paru2
iffa: pneumothorax?
iffa: ye kot
iffa: tu je yg buleh fikir
iffa: ye kenapa ngan ade angin
t: camne bleh terjadi nya udara masuk dlm paru2 ye
iffa:t ke yg kene
iffa: byk sbb dia
t: x, adik ana
iffa: lelaki?
t: ye
iffa: ade asthma?
iffa: ie lelah?
t: setau ana xde
iffa: spontaneous biasanya
iffa: kalau young male
iffa: 20-30
x: aa.. dr 2 kat sini pon ckp camtu jgk
x: menyebabkan kami adik beradik x dpt bertanye lebih lanjut
iffa: http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23069039/
t: camne bleh jadi spontan?
t: x paham..
iffa: rasanya dia panggil spontaneous
iffa: sbb tak jumpa sebab dia lagi
iffa: mungkin satu hari nnt jumpa dah x panggil tu la
iffa: takleh nak explain and kaitkan dengan apa
iffa: so far spontaneous ni sgt common esp in male 20-30 yr
iffa: dia dapat chest drain tak?
t: maksudnye?
t: tebuk lubang ke?
iffa: aah
iffa: nk keluarkan angin tu
iffa: oo lagi satu smoking tak
t: x
t: x merokok
t: so besanye treatment camne?
iffa: depends on symptoms
t: tebuk lubang, dan salurkan keluar..
iffa: kalau kecik je takde symptom eg shortness of breath
iffa: chest pain
iffa: biasenya bg pain killer je
iffa: seminggu lagi xray dah takde pape
iffa: tapi kalau makin teruk patutnya buat drain tu la
t: adik ana kena kali kedua
t: dah lebih 2 minggu, dr suspek ade leakage
iffa: die ade symptoms tak
iffa: ke dr tahu tu tru chest xray je
t: simpton and xray
t: dah 3 kali xray, tgh xde perubahan dalm paru2, udara mcm sama je kandungannya
t: jika kena buat opration, camne ye prosedurnye?
t: operation yang besar ke?
iffa: yg tu tak sure sgt
iffa: takpenah experience surgery ni
iffa: so taktau
iffa: chest drain dulu la patutnya
iffa: before surgery
iffa: keluarkan dulu angin tu
iffa: unless kalau mmg dr tu rasa buat surgery terus
iffa: masa surgeyr tu terus buang angin tu
t: dr ckp mmg bocor, bila tgk xray
t: cuma kena scan, nak confirmkan bocor katne
t: based on site yg iffa bg td, ada 2 kaedah buat opertion
t: yg 1, remove 'bleb', bleb tu ape?
iffa: bleb tu mcm bulla
iffa: aduh
iffa: camne nak cakap aa
iffa: die macam patutnya str8 je lung surface tu
iffa: tapi macam ade balloon out
iffa: kalau kat kulit tu mcm blister
iffa: blister = ??kulit yg ade air kat dlm
iffa: mcm kalau tangna kena air panas tu
t: oo
t: ok la, tima kasih kerana sudi explain

Mungkin tak membantu. Paling penting, tanyalah doktor anda, kerana selain Allah al-'Alim yang pastinya Maha Mengetahui, doktor yang merawat anda lah yang ahli dalam situasi tersebut.

[ada satu ayat quran yang cakap tanyalah orang yang ahli jika kamu tidak mengetahui...tapi tak ingat ayat mana]

DISCLAIMER:

1. Penerangan di atas adalah tentang 'pneumothorax' yang bermaksud 'udara di antara 2 lapisan paru-paru' yang mana 'udara dalam paru-paru' adalah sedikit misleading. Mungkin penyakit 'udara dalam paru-paru' yang dimaksudkan oleh 't' adalah penyakit lain, jadi mohon dimaklumkan jika istilah tersebut tidak sama dengan pneumothorax.

2. ID YM sahabat saya itu saya tukarkan dengan 't' untuk tidak breach confidentiality.

3. DO NOT rely solely for information on this post, especially the surgery bit. Tanyalah doktor anda.

4. Maaf, bahasa rojak. ada yang ambil masa lama sangat nak translate.

muhasabah: am i really a final yr student? and am i ready to go back to malaysia? and will i be able to give good explanation to patients, in malay? eee cuak. nak pass exam tapi cuak nak start keje. tak sabar nak start keje tapi takut tak dapat jadi doktor yang bes.

COMMUNICATION IS AMAZING

2009-01-31T01:54:00.010+08:00

Last winter, we (yes, 12 of us, as in the picture) went to Turkey. The one thing I thought was amazing is the communication. Frankly speaking, I think I spoke Malay more than English when I talked to the people there, and obviously I used Malay more with my 11 Malaysian friends that went with me. Not that they were able to understand Malay, but I guess unless you know their language, it will not make any difference to what language we use up there. Most of them do not speak English. Istanbul was ok, but Bursa? Although I like Bursa people more - they definitely are more friendly, in general.

It was amazing. I guess sign language became the most significant mean of communication while we were there. Writing and drawing too! There are few other things I learned for my own reflections, but in this entry, the focus is just on how amazing communication is.

Anyway, the funny bit was when we were communicating with the taxi drivers who were about to bring us to Uludag. There were eight of us talking in Malay and English and a group of friendly taxi drivers trying hard to understand what we were negotiating. At one point, Aina asked them something about the timing in Turkish language, as she happened to know that word (I can hardly remember the word now). And I can still remember all the taxi drivers came closer with hands indicating to their watches, answering enthusiastically to Aina's question - I supposed. Those delighted faces... it was as if they were saying "finally, there is someone who can speak Turkish". The hilarious part was when Aina made a blurry face (obviously she didn't understand a word they were saying), so she turned around looking at the rest of us, and we started laughing. Then the taxi drivers started laughing as well. They knew Aina didn't understand that - again, I supposed. LOL. That was hilarious. And it was just amazing how the communication worked, but it did!

The picture on your left was to tell that we needed two taxis and to confirm the charge was 120 lira for each taxi for a return journey. The other one was to tell them "we are not going to pay you until you bring us back here and we want to stay there for a while, taking pictures". Taking pictures - although we actually ended up skiing; or at least learning how hard trying to ski was =P. By the way, the taxi drivers actually understood what we were saying before we even drew these pictures. Amazing! (ouh, and these were not the real drawings - I must have thrown them away)

"O men! Behold, We have created you all out of a male and a female, and have made you into nations and tribes, so that you might come to know one another. Verily, the noblest of you in the sight of God is the one who is most deeply conscious of Him. Behold, God is all-knowing, all-aware."

[Hujurat; 13]

KEEN REMINDER FOR MESELF

2009-01-14T01:37:00.005+08:00

Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Said ibn al-Musayyab from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:

“A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry.”

{Book 47, Number 3:12 : Malik’s Muwatta}

But angry for the right reason is ok, right? Like getting angry when seeing Palestinian people being killed every day. I do agree though, that one should still contain him/herself appropriately... and that is really hard in practice. Seriously need to be really strong.

PALESTINE

2009-01-10T03:18:00.006+08:00

May I begin this entry with a question to myself; if I am now in Malaysia, would I ever know or even care enough to discuss the current world issue - Zionist attack on Gaza?

Honestly I doubt that I will. The reason is partly due to my ignorance [read: individuals] of course, but the media is another.

I remember back in summer 2 years ago, when the war in Iraq was the current headline of the news - front page of one of the mainstream newspapers focused on Siti Nurhaliza's wedding instead. *sigh* And especially now, with all the political war and problems in Malaysia and small election in my hometown, I bet that it shed the news even more? Make it as small matter that is easily dismissed in our lives. well, at least, the government does allow the students to go on with demonstration (read: without FRU as the prev demos), so thats a good start.

Although I might not be one who is suitable and perfect to promote this,but may I remind and promote to all including myself, to go against ignorance. We muslims are one - their sufferings are ours too.

Hadith: Sesiapa yang berpagi-pagian tidak mengambil berat perihal orang Islam maka dia bukan dari golongan mereka. [taksure source]

And of course we can talk about it, we can watch from a distant, we can read the news, we can condemn the zionist and their illegal occupation, their illegal state... but there are always better options which might seem small efforts, but at least these ARE some efforts.

1. Doa of course
2. Online action - petitions etc
3. Media - eg reply to bias report
4. Dakwah - tell other people, let them too take actions, let the people out there know the truth.
5. funding action - they need money,they need financial support,they need medical treatment
6. Boycott - one might say this would do nothing, but if everybody plays action,it might. Allah looksat the effort and not the effect. Some groups of people here too seem to agree that it wont do any good,but they came up with resolution that we should focus on the top 10 israeli goods: Coca cola, MacDonalds, Nestle, Nokia, Starbucks, Disney,Johnson's johnson, L'Oreal, Selfridges.

It is a shame if at this crucial time, we cant help boycotting. I have seen even the christian society stood up in front of mark and spencer entry, giving flyers to the people around, promoting the boycott. Apparently, according to them, ALL the net profit gained on saturday by mark and spencer is distributed to Israel. So yes, it is a shame.

Pernah dengar ayat ni (taksure hadith ke famous saying): Islam itu terdiri dari banyak penjuru. Tugas setiap kita adalah untuk menjaga Islam itu supaya tidak diceroboh dari penjuru kita. (lebih kurang camni la maksud dia, or please anyone care enough to correct me).

Ya Allah tuhan yang menewaskan bala tentera ahzab, kalahkan mereka musuh-musuh Islam, menangkanlah kami umat-umat di jalanmu ke atas mereka ya Allah. Selamatkan dan tabahkanlah mereka di Gaza, di Palestin. Ameen.

LEARNING FROM THE KIDS [again]

2009-01-05T19:47:00.006+08:00

Yesterday, Balai Malaysia (Malay community in Newcastle) had organised its first camp for the children - it was Kem Pemantapan Solat i.e. a four hour course to teach children how to pray and improve their prayers.

When those children were asked why do we have to pray, some of the answers were:

1. Because we are muslims
2. Because Allah asks us to pray
3. Because this is the way we thank Allah as he created us
4. Because we must do good things and want to enter heaven

[source: balai mailinglist]

And masyaAllah, one of them answered because we want to save GAZA people.

And I asked the students in my group to list up three things they like the most, because they can have them all in heaven if they do good things. At least one of these came up their list:

1. Allah
2. Rasulullah
3. Parents

Ya Allah, I am so proud of them. Mind you, they were all 6 and 7 years old (those in my groups), and the whole group of children was comprised of those from age of 4 - 12.

When I was asked to list up 3 things that make me happy in one of my p4p sessions, I listed down the 3Fs - family and friends, and food. Also money hehe (I was so broke). Shame on me.

Save people in Gaza, and Allah and rasulullah on top of the list. What more can I tell you. Learn from them. The little caliphs...

LEARNING FROM EVERYONE

2008-11-29T22:38:00.014+08:00

When I went to Kak Rabitah's room (my housemate with two brilliant daughters) last night, she asked me if I wanted to hear Athirah's story (that's her younger daughter. We call her Adik). I know Adik is very good at writing, she has read me really good poems that she made herself! I think that is so amazing.

So this was what happened.

That night Adik asked her mummy to make up a story for her but her mum said that she is not good at making up stories. Her mummy told her that God has given her the gift of Maths and Science, but when it comes to stories, her brain gets a bit dodgy and she will get stuck. Then Adik was asked if she could make up a story for her mummy, and here was hers (somewhat):

One day there was a flock of birds flapping their wings in the sky. But one bird just flapped his right wing only. His left wing was heavy and he did not want to use it. But one day, his right wing got hurt and it could not make any move. He packed and packed his right wing, trying hard to move it but he still couldn't. The other birds all ask him to "use your left wing, use your left wing" and he refused for a long time but then he could not stand it anymore and flapped his left wing. He found that he could fly higher with his left wing.

Kak Rabitah said she did not get it at first and asked, "so what?".

Adik said "it is about you mama. It is the moral of the story. You should use your literacy part of your brain and you might write wonderful stories with it."

It hit her mummy straight in the heart, and it hits me too, again and again. This is the third time I think I can burst into tears, thinking about Adik's story.

People cannot blame me if I really want at least a child in the future. A nice and clever one like Adik. Or like Adleen. Having just finished my rotation in Obs and Gynae did sometimes make me scared of the pain a woman might need to go through during the childbirth, but on second thought, it scares me more that when I sat in the fertility clinic, I saw a few couples who have been trying to conceive for years, but never been able to get pregnant. And it makes me sad sitting in the gynae clinic to see people coming in, requesting to terminate a pregnancy.

Me, Kak Rabitah, Adik and Adleen

Anyway, that is not what I am trying to get to.

The point is I learn a lot from Adik or Adleen even when they are still so young, being just 7 and 11. And of course I learn from everyONE else around me too. I agree with Kak Rabitah that Adik is so truly magnificent, I can hardly wait to see how she is going to use the gift that Allah has given her. Although on the other hand, I think she grows up too fast and I want her to stay cute as she always is now, but hey, time flies really quick you know. May Allah always guide her to the right path. Who am I to be proud of her, but I always am.

This reminds me of a movie called 'Horton hears a who' - a person is still a person no matter how small they are. Kids can really give great impact on your life, trust me.

I love you, Adik. I love you. I love you.

TO DO LIST

2008-11-26T07:43:00.011+08:00

Have you ever had a time when you have so much things to do at the back of your mind that you spent so much time working out what other tasks were ahead of you and which ones should you complete first? You spent time planning, yet, because there were just too many things in your mind, never were you able to complete those tasks.

I have had those moments. And sometimes I ended up updating this blog, and that is what I am currently doing. Hehe. Get to work Iffa!

Oh yes. Just wanting to share this: I am going back to Newcastle for good (before going back to Malaysia for good) this coming Friday! But Obs and Gynae assessment is freaking me out at this very moment.

So should I say this again. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves them exactly where they are. So go back to work Iffa! Or go to sleep and get a fresh start tomorrow morning.

FW: Etiquettes on E-mail Correspondences to JPA London

2008-11-25T06:09:00.000+08:00

To All JPA Sponsored students,

We are now in evolving technological space where technology rules almost every aspect of our lives. Most notable and touching of all is the communication sector and, today, I would like to focus specifically on e-mail correspondences.

Daily, JPA London receives between 30 – 80 e-mails, plus dozens of snail mails. E-mails now are increasingly becoming ‘official’, just as mine now to you. However, we have received many e-mails with many shortcomings, with some lacking its status. If you would like us to read and treat your e-mail with its due respect, you must also present it with the proper protocols.

Although very simple, let us remind ourselves again on the above subject.

A. Title – Please put a title to your e-mail that represents the likely subject matter. With the number of e-mails received daily, we will ignore untitled e-mails for worry of virus, worms, etc.

B. Salutation – Please refer us with kinder words and not just “Hi” or Hi there”. Use prefixes such as Mr / En / Tuan / Puan / Cik / Ms / Miss / Sir or Madam. We DO NOT advocate the use of “abang” or “kakak” for its lack of official ness. If you are writing to private e-mails, then the choice is yours but jpalondon@btconnect.com and jpalondon@jpa.gov.my are official e-mail addresses. If you are unsure as to the officer-in-charge, just write “Dear Sir / Madam”. Please also refer us by our name as we normally do as Malaysians. Unless you are now a real true blue British to the tee, there is no Mr. Rahman or Ms. Zamani or Ms. Ariff in this office. We don’t have the practice of surnames in our culture. Don’t be rude.

C. Content – Please write in full and clear sentences. You can use either English or BM in your e-mail to us. What we will not tolerate is abbreviated words in e-mails, as what you’d normally use in SMSes. Examples are “r u” or “ x pe” or “b4” or “y ct n g x plaks nk cum 2 c u @ bs“ or “i 1 2 c u @ p g da”. We don’t understand these and we will not try to assume to understand it also. We will totally ignore, from now, e-mails written in such. So, please make sure you write clearly what you want us to read.

D. Signing-off – It doesn’t hurt a bit to say “Thank you” before you sign off. That’s good mannerism, which we believe you have been taught by your school / parents. Please give them some justice and honor. For those with family names, please also write your name as you normally write them in Malaysia as your records are written in the same. For example, it’s “Yap Ah Loy” not “Ah Loy, Yap ”. Please also write your IC, major and university so that we do not have to cross refer your name every time we receive your e-mail. With your e-mail address with names like “angels”, “death”, “Satan”, “handsome”, “baby”, etc, we need everyone to sign-off with their recognizable name.

PLEASE TAKE NOTE that we will forthwith put on low priority or will totally ignore e-mails that do not conform to the above minimum etiquette.

Thank you.

Kind regards,

Adib Rahman

JPA London

FP 2009: Application deadline has passed

2008-11-09T07:25:00.004+08:00

Please note that the deadline for submitting applications for FP 2009 has now passed.

You did not submit an application and therefore will not be considered for a foundation training place in the national recruitment round.

Regards,

The UK Foundation Programme Office

-------------------------------------------------

I was happy not to apply for F1 job in the UK until I read this email. I have to say there was a rush of weird feeling inside me as I read through this short email. It feels like being rejected. But who cares.... I was the one who made that call. I finally made my decision. And I still am happy with that, honestly.

Yes, finally that was done. Thanks to everyone who discussed with me their thought during the process.

Start packing. I am going back, yeay!

INDECISIVE

2008-11-03T01:09:00.013+08:00

Ok. So I still have not come up with proper answers for my foundation application. Instead I am concentrating on deciding whether I really want to work here if I get the place, in which case, I will - if I apply. But why bother answering those sickening questions if I really want to go back now. It is just being paranoid of the regret I might get later (if I dont apply at all) that makes me struggle with the questions. But, will it not be counted as an effort to fill up the form at least? Another example of the THIN lines in my life. Eeeeeee geramnye.

Family.

I got three pairs of new baju kurung (baju raya) from my mom in summer.
She said "takpelah banyok2 pon, next year nok buat sahhang (pakai) pergi keje kan".
A hint that she wanting me to work in Malaysia.

Papa asked me to buy a car for him and bring it back next year.
And I said "doh tu kalu pah keje sane guane? mestila pah nok gune kereta".
And he exchanged that look with my mom. Mama smiled. Hehehehe naughty me.
But again, he was expecting me to go back.

But after a long argument of the reasons why I will stay for a while, if I want to stay (which I was still 50-50 at that time), they seem to not have any preference.

When I told my younger brother who is now studying accounting in Warwick that I will put Coventry and warwick deanery as my first choice for the application, he said:
"Bagusla. Senang nanti kalu aku takdok duit"
Hehe, ade ke. That is definitely not the reason I want to go closer to you. Hahah, too bad.

I asked this matter to my sister who is studying A level in UCSI, looking forward to further her study in Pharmacy in the UK in the next 2 years. She said "keje la kat UK, tunggu aku gi sane". Haha, semua orang pon die nak suh duk ngan dia. Anak bongsu!

I chatted with my bro this afternoon.
iffa: bile mung nok gi umoh abg
iffa: bowok la web cam
iffa: rindu la ke mia
we: dok tau lg
we: eheh
we: td die pandai doh duk main wak lolok tgh mekap
we: pahtu die kate die comel
iffa: amboi
iffa: hahahaha
iffa: mia omel
we: klako la'
iffa: hih nih nok blk msia ni
iffa: oo baru ignat
iffa: nok tanye mung rse
iffa: baik aku kije sini dulu ke
iffa: balik kije msia terus
we: hurmm
we: aku dok reti ngat mende gini
we: huhu
we: opinion aku la
we: molek doh kalu mung balik pon
we: tp mung mitok spital trg la
we: buleh teman mama nga papa dumoh
we: heheh
Hmm...so there's a reason. And Damia is another.

That was family.

I just knew a friend who changed his mind to go back when he was the one person was really firm about wanting to work here.

Huh....

I just rang my brother in Warwick, as I think the only reason I will want to stay here is him. I am sure he will be fine here, it is not like I have to babysit him. I never did in fact. The way I talked to him just now really sounded like I want to go home, for sure. I just wanted him to acknowledge me not applying at all. "takpe eh kalu aku dok isi borang?". "aku nok wat guane kalu mung dok isi. gitu je la". Eee sedih la plak. Siap suruh kahwin kat UK haha. And he said he is going to force me going back to Malaysia if I later will be reluctant to go back for good.

That is my fear. What if I do not want to come back after all? I know I promise myself to give me only 2 years here, but what if I won't? I am very comfortable with UK system. Everything here is easy. Everyone here is nice. And I can still help with the dakwah here. There are so little chances of not living in wealth here. But is that all that I need? I am sure I will be fine wherever I am going to work. I am sure I will learn a lot working here for the first two years (not practical wise though - Malaysia is definitely better for hands-on experience!). But what if I do not want to come back after all?

Yes, I know it is me who will make the call. It's just that I still need a very valid reason for me to stay here, or otherwise. Please please please. Let it come across my mind.

p/s: Huhuh... Malasnye nak isi borang. In the end, tak apply jugak ni. Sorry to make this a big deal. I am just...thinking.

QUESTION 6

2008-11-01T23:12:00.010+08:00

S - I found answering the questions for my foundation school application and not yet knowing where I am planning to work right after graduation is really stressing me up. Although I am more inclined of going back to home to start working as a busy house officer at time, who knows it might change. So I decided to fill it up anyway, you know, just in case I change my mind.

T - I have read through the questions and been to the workshop in Carlisle, but I am still struggling with the questions. I have sat in front of this computer a few times, trying to start answering at least one questions, but I haven't answered one properly yet.

A - I felt so stressed that out of no reasons, I am craving for karipap. SoI went out to Morrison's and bought sardine and flour so I can make them, and I also bought a new ice cream - a flavour that will soon be in my next shopping list, insyaAllah.

R - In reflection, I found out eating is a good way to cope with stress. Cooking is a good way too, in addition to my traditional way of coping with stress (some sort of DSH but it doesn't harm me at all). And more importantly to always try, and pray to Allah so that I will keep trying for the best. Convinced that whatever happen next is the best for you and everyone, but try your best, do whatever you have to do at time.

R - And finding out how I cope with stress will definitely help me as a foundation doctor later on, as I anticipate my next two years will be very busy and full of stress. I reckon if I work under stress I will become less a person of who I am, and I will not be a good doctor.

All the best to those applying for foundation school next year!

p/s This is not a good example of answering the question.

HAVE A MEANINGFUL FRIDAY

2008-10-24T15:58:00.002+08:00

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
But you be honest anyway.

What you spent years building, someone could destroy it overnight.
But you build anyway.

If you find happiness, they maybe jealous.
But you be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.
But you do good anyway.

You see in the final analysis, it is between you and Allah.
It was never between you and them anyway.

Have a meaningful friday.

*credits to Madihah for the Friday text message.

WHITEHAVEN

2008-10-23T23:29:00.006+08:00

I might have a thousand and one complaints I would want to tell, but having been here for the past 5 days so far, there are of course the good things of being here in Whitehaven. Well, I get an accommodation to stay so at least I do not have to travel much - only in weekends at least. Although the road to get here was terrible. Well maybe it was the horrible weather last Sunday as well that made driving so difficult. It was raining the whole journey once I passed Hexham. 50 mph and I felt the car was nearly blown away already. It took me 3 hours to get here. Thankfully the hospital was clearly signposted so I did not have troubles finding it in the town (it is actually out of town). Just imagine if they do not provide accommodation here...

And, the view outside my window is breathtaking. Well, it is very near to Lake District anyway - a doctor was saying its 25 mins drive to Keswick - I have been there and it's gorgeous but it won't be if I do not spend it with good friends of mine. By the way, the picture above is the view from my window which is not too nice because the window could not be open wide enough for the camera to go out. The room is quite small (which I do not really mind). I guess people who phoned me in the past 4 days know what I am not so keen about living here. I am not going to pour them into this entry. Except one thing, my room heater is not working and it is extremely cold here. I am now in fact listening to the wind whistling against the window. I have not been sleeping well since I got here. It is freeeeeezing.

It makes me homeNEWCASTLEsick (although the weather would be more or less the same, I suppose) and homeMALAYSIAsick every time I think about it. Well, at least I now have internet connection - that will keep me busy. I really need it particularly in these couple of weeks especially for my elective report and for the foundation school application. Stress!!!!

One more brownie point - the staff here are friendly, as those in Carlisle. Although I must say the last session today was daunting.

Talk about good things Iffa.

Dila my exhousemate has gone back to Malaysia for good. I remember upon arrival to Newcastle first time in 2004, I was sent to 41 Brighton Grove (where I used to live), and Dila was the one who opened the door for me. I seriously thought she was a senior, all the memories are coming back to me really clearly now. I think I will miss her really sweet text messages the most.

The former 196 + Athirah

To Dila, all the best in whatever you do. Keep being nice, warm and sweet. And keep doing the right thing even though it might be hard to do so. Please do not change for worse the next time I see you as I anticipate a really big battle for you to go against in Malaysia. Make sure you have someone to always remind you and guide you to the right path.

May Allah bless u (and me too).

SWEET HONEY

2008-10-08T20:06:00.007+08:00

By Daniel Martin

Last updated at 1:36 AM on 08th October 2008

Click here for original news

Treating a burn with honey from the kitchen cupboard may promote faster healing than a surgical dressing. Honey has been found to be better at aiding burn recovery than standard treatments used by the NHS, a study claims.

Scientists pooled data from 19 trials involving more than 2,500 patients with a range of wounds. They found that honey was better at reducing the time it takes to recover from mild to moderate burns than some widely used gauze and film dressings. 'We're treating these results with caution, but it looks like honey can help speed up healing in some burns,' said chief researcher Dr Andrew Jull, from the University of Auckland, New Zealand.

How honey works is unclear, but it appears to fight infection and help the body remove dead tissue. The findings were published by the Cochrane Library, which provides systematic reviews of research studies. Honey was revered by the ancient Greeks and Egyptians as a medicinal agent for burns and sores. Scientists are also working on ways to use honey in the fight against superbug MRSA. Tests in Belfast City Hospital have shown that it can kill the bacteria in the lab. Clinical trials are planned to see on patients.

Sweet: Treating a burn with honey could promote healing faster than a surgical dressing

______________________________________________________

Both the holy Qur'an and Hadith refer to honey as a healer of disease.

'And thy Lord taught the bee to build its cells in hills, on trees and in (men's) habitations..... there issues from within their bodies a drink of varying colours, wherein is healing for mankind. Verily in this is a Sign for those who give thought'.(Translation of Quran 16:68-69)

In addition, the Prophet (PBUH) said:

'Honey is a remedy for every illness and the Qur'an is a remedy for all illness of the mind, therefore I recommend to you both remedies, the Qur'an and honey.'(Bukhari)

ME, MYSELF & CARLISLE

2008-09-19T01:30:00.002+08:00

So I am about to finish the second week of my 1st senior rotation, which is the mental health rotation, or simply known as psychiatry. I am not feeling well at the moment, still having this unresolved cough for ages - it might be due to my 'unhealthy' eating, hahah I think lots of future doctors or even doctors are lacking this good drive!

Anyway, I was part of the crisis team today - what we did was we went to see people who are at high risk of committing suicide, had some chat and hopefully they will see positive things coming out of the future. It was not a good day. I could barely stop coughing during the consultations, and it got worse in the afternoon, so I just slept all the way to the different houses we went to. I pity the social worker who I went with. Hope I did not cause so much trouble just now.

I do not like mental health that much to be honest, but I think it has been alright here in Carlisle. Almost everything is well organised so far. Although I have not seen a lot of patients but I got the chance to see at least one with different presentations, which is good. Honestly, I feel so sorry for these people, and it struck me how actually sane and lucky I am. The care for them here is first class I would say. I wonder how the situation is back in Malaysia.

Hmm, back to me and Carlisle, I am given this accommodation here which looks more like a hotel room to me really. But despite all these good things happening here, I am longing to go back and work in Malaysia. That's it. That is my decision. (may be for now at least, I just kept changing my view every day to be frank, and it frightens me a lot that I keep thinking about it - it means the finals is very near!). And I can hardly wait for Fridays to come so I can go back to Newcastle, break the fast together with others who were also fasting then do the prayers together. I am so accustomed to these that it feels so weird to go through Ramadhan without them.

And tomorrow will be Friday, yeay! ***lama tak dapat friday text dari madihah*** you know, Friday is a special day for Muslims (as Saturday for Jews, and Sunday for Christians).

Just a food for thought. If you think you are unfortunate enough, read this news. I just spent 3 pounds for my bus day rider ticket yesterday, and 23 people would have actually died for it! I once heard there are lots of us who are really patient, but yet very little of us who are grateful to Him. May we all belong in both groups.

RAMADHAN KAREEM

2008-09-01T06:34:00.001+08:00

Dapatkan Mesej Bergambar di Sini

SEVEN plus ONE

2008-08-28T14:32:00.003+08:00

It has been so long since the last time the seven of us are together in a photo. Finally, after a long argument whether all should be sending me at the airport that night (it meant we need 2 cars then), here you go... a photo of all of us in family (and including young cute adorable little Damia!). It is not a good one, but it is good because we are all in it.

Oh my god, Damia is SO cute, you should all see her videos, especially when she starts to pretend reciting the Quran or anything with Jawi writing on the paper. At least she pronounces Allah very clearly when she does the recitation. She really IS gorgeous, apart from her moody swings, but who doesn't... I miss her so much already.

Coming back to Newcastle this year is a lot different from years before. A smaller part is that it was my first time travelling back to the UK not on my own. And the biggest part is because it is going to be our final year, and I am gonna be sent away from the rest, and I dont know whether I can depend on them to study together again. As it has always been. It is scary, but I wont let that bother me now. And it is scary while on the way, we were talking about working as doctors already. Be it in the UK or in Malaysia.

Another thing that makes it different this year is that my brother is joining me in the UK next month although he's gonna be down south in Warwick... so yes, I will see you if not in Warwick, you will come up to Newcastle hahaha.

MELAYU & ISLAM: SAMAKAH?

2008-07-28T09:38:00.005+08:00

Sejak balik Malaysia ni, bermacam-macam berita yang timbul. Bermula dengan isu minyak yang sememangnya dah kedengaran sejak sebelum balik ke Malaysia lagi, sehinggalah hari ini, isu tentang muzakarah UMNO dan PAS. Yang pasti, banyaknya tentang isu politik di Malaysia. Sejak pilihanraya umum ke 12 lagi, isu politik di Malaysia bagi saya tidak pernah senyap. Ada saja berita baru yang timbul. Bagi saya yang kadang-kadang baca, kadang-kadang tak baca sangat, bergantung kepada wujudnya fasiliti internet, suratkhabar di perpustakaan, dan lain-lain media massa di mana saya menetap buat sementara waktu ini, saya dapati isu-isu ini timbul sekejap sahaja dan kemudiannya tenggelam dengan isu yang baru pula. Mungkin disebabkan media massa selalu bertumpu kepada isu baru jadi isu itu sahaja yang menjadi tumpuan, saya tak tahulah.

Terbaru tentang isu muzakarah UMNO dan PAS. Kadang-kadang rasa jemu membaca berita sebab tak tahu kesahihannya. Yang sini kata lain, yang sana kata lain.

1. Utusan Malaysia: DAP selar PAS kerana berunding dengan UMNO atas nama perpaduan Melayu

2. Harakahdaily.net: Parti baru bertunjang Islam boleh satukan PAS, UMNO - Nik Aziz

Dengar tajuk memang macam mengiyakan satu sama lain, tapi bila baca macam ada yang berbeza. Persoalannya, samakah Melayu dengan Islam? Memang setahu saya orang Melayu di Malaysia semuanya (sepatutnya, by right) beragama Islam. Tapi betul ke? Bila isu murtad diheboh-hebohkan suatu masa dulu (sekarang pun pastinya masih wujud, cuma bukan di page pertama media massa), berapa ramai Melayu yang murtad? Jadi semua orang Melayu beragama Islamkah? Dan yang beragama Islam berapa kerat yang mahu Islam tu naik?

Islam dan bukan Islam, bagi saya seorang yang beragama Islam, memang tidak sama kerana di dalam al-Quran sendiri Allah telah challenge dan tanya bukan sahaja perbezaan orang Islam dengan orang bukan Islam, malah dibezakan orang yang beriman dan tidak beriman. Saya pasti bagi seseorang yang beragama kristian/lain-lain mereka yang betul-betul yakin bahawa agama mereka adalah benar, merasakan bahawa mereka adalah tinggi di sisi tuhan yang mereka percayai (yang mana bagi saya, Allah jugalah satu-satunya tuhan sekalian makhluk). Juga berdasarkan ilmu cetek saya, Islam ini adalah adil, maka layanan yang perlu diberikan adalah sama. Tidak kira bangsa, tidak kira agama.

Entahlah. Mungkin inilah sebabnya sekolah medikal di universiti saya agak menekankan tentang literature review. Kumpul segala maklumat yang ada, dan berfikir dengan kritikal dan waras. Juga perlu berteraskan wahyu, bukan setakat logik sahaja. KBKK yang digalakkan di sekolah-sekolah di Malaysia juga memang sangat perlu. Harap-harap dapat melahirkan kemahiran berfikir yang baik di kalangan generasi masa depan...insyaAllah.

p/s: rasa banyak nak cerita pasal buat elektif kat sini tapi lain kali pulak...

LAST MINUTE PROMOTION: WONDERFUL OVERSEAS WEEKEND 08

2008-07-14T10:17:00.003+08:00

Perhaps too last minute for this year's, but it is a yearly event, so if you are flying to further your studies in UK/Eire (especially) next year, wait for it in about a year time. Hopefully there will still be one in the coming years too.

As for this year, it is worth trying still...who knows there are still vacancies. Click on the poster below for more information.

ONE FINE DAY IN MALAYSIA

2008-06-09T16:26:00.003+08:00

I was looking forward to have my elective in my home country, and it is my first day today. I anticipated it to be quite scary, but it was not that bad. I'd say (for the first day) it is almost the same as my SSC. You could just do anything you want. I met 2 of my schoolmates today. One is doing elective too, and another has just started her housemanship 6 days ago.

While waiting for my mum to pick me up (duh, need to pass another private driving test with me mum before I can drive again), there was a person asking a taxi driver how much it would cost to bring her family to Manir (that is about 10-15 minutes from HKT - more or less) and I was not looking at them at this time.

The girl: Pokcik, berape tambang nok gi Manir?
Taxi driver: Dalam 20 riya.
(I assumed the girl then went to get her family. Later, there were a few people waiting at the booth with me)
Me: Mahal gok eh pokcik tambang nok gi Manir. 20 riya. Sebab minyok naik harge ke pokcik?
Pakcik: Ho (muke macam nak taknak jawab). Adik duk mane?
Me: Kuale Iba (Ibai)
Pakcik: Hooo... tuh dalam 10 riya ah. Kalu masuk dalam sket 15 riya.

Me: (Alamak. Ingatkan ni ayah akak tu ie passenger to be, rupenye taxi driver!!!)

Hahaha...lain kali jangan pandai-pandai je tegur orang. Suka hati je.

The point is, yes, I am back in Malaysia. Hopefully another 11 weeks won't go too quick. Oh, and the news is all about the rise in fuel price. ***Ubah gaya hidup?***

TRY THIS

2008-05-20T05:46:00.009+08:00

1. Count every F in the following text (on the first read through):

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

2. Open a word document and type:

=rand (200,99)

Press enter and wait for few seconds.

3. So what is it with "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"? (hint: try counting how many letters it has).

I once asked a patient to write me down a sentence when I was assessing his MMSE (mini mental state examination), and he wrote that down and asked me, what is special about it. Man, he definitely was well orientated. More than I did!

THALASSAEMIA

2008-05-15T09:18:00.006+08:00

I attended OSCE revision for finals (4th and 3rd year were invited too) which was generously done by a senior lecturer here - I can't believe in a year time, I will be sitting in the same lecture theatre (probably) for the similar revision, just two weeks away from the final exams. The message I got from the revision is how little I know my stuff - I seriously need to catch up. One year seems so far away, and I know it is ridiculous to start panicking now, but I just did - a while ago - coz I couldn't even remember which ones the Heberden's and Bouchard's nodes were. But that was then. Hehe. Panicking early is good though, I think.

Anyway. I am back to this small empty room in Middlesbrough and am finding something useful to do to keep me awake while waiting for Fajr prayer. I was reading my email - a Malaysian here is suspected to have thalassaemia here. Since I have very limited things to say when being asked about it, I chose to review this topic for this midnight entry, but I am going to do it in Malay language instead - guess it will be a good practise since I am less than a month ahead of my elective in the hometown!

What's more, I have learned that when you have to do some teachings you tend to understand and memorise more about the lesson you teach. And research suggests that who do not carry out review may forget 75% of the material in a week, and 98% in under 3 weeks, meaning that you are virtually starting from scratch at revision time [Newcastle med school study skills handbook]. So here you go. Bare with the language - not good in English, not even good with Malay, bak kata Ustaz Hasrizal akhirnya jadik orang yang tak reti berbahasa. Duh! Nak buat guane.

Apa itu anemia?

Anemia ialah penyakit kurang sel darah merah atau hemoglobin (bahan yang bertanggungjawab membawa oksigen dalam darah dan memberi kaler merah pada sel darah merah). Jika anda kurang sel darah merah atau hemoglobin, maksudnya tisu badan anda tidak mendapat oksigen yang optimum maka anda akan merasa cepat penat dan lesu. Kadang-kadang sebab kurang oksigen, anda mungkin kelihatan pucat. Dan kadang-kadang juga, pesakit anemia mempunyai masalah sesak nafas kerana cuba bernafas lebih banyak atau cepat untuk menyedut lebih oksigen sebagai respon kepada kurangnya oksigen dalam tubuh. Jika kronik, limpa anda boleh bengkak dan ini dapat dirasa apabila pemeriksaan abdomen dilakukan.

Apa yang sebabkan anemia?

Fikir 3 cara, iaitu masalah dengan:
1. Proses menghasilkan sel darah merah/ hemoglobin - terlalu kurang/perlahan
2. Proses memusnahkan sel darah merah - terlalu cepat/banyak
3. Kehilangan darah secara langsung contohnya berdarah banyak dalam kemalangan jalan raya

Talasemia adalah contoh di mana proses memusnahkan sel darah merah adalah pada kadar yang tinggi kerana fisiologi (?bentuk) sel darah merah yang dihasilkan adalah tidak normal maka limpa dengan cepat mengesan ini dan cuba memusnahkan sel yang tidak patut wujud dalam badan pesakit. Penyakit ini digolongkan dalam hemolitik anemia (hemolitik = pemusnahan hemoglobin/sel darah merah).

Apa itu talasemia?

Talasemia ialah satu jenis penyakit anemia (kurang darah merah) yang merupakan penyakit keturunan. Ia biasa dijumpai di Mediterranean, India dan Asia Tenggara, termasuklah Malaysia. Banyak mana peratus populasi yang menghidap penyakit ini di Malaysia tidak dapat saya cari, cuma saya pernah dengar yang ianya memang biasa dijumpai di Malaysia. Ada 2 jenis talasemia yang biasa dijumpai. 1. Talasemia alpha 2. Talasemia beta

Adakah anda pembawa gen talasemia?

Ini memang tak boleh dijawab melainkan anda mengambil ujian untuk cek sama ada anda tergolong dalam pembawa gen ini atau tidak.

Bagaimana dengan anak anda?

Jika kedua-dua ibu dan bapa mempunyai satu gen (daripada dua), maka ada kemungkinan untuk diwariskan kepada anak. Jika anak menerima satu gen tersebut dari bapa dan satu gen dari ibu, maka akan menghidap talasemia. Jika anda dan pasangan tidak mempunyai simptom dan tidak tahu anda adalah pembawa, situasi yang paling tidak diingini ialah jika kedua-duanya pembawa gen. Dalam situasi ini, ada kebarangkalian untuk anak anda mendapat talasemia ialah 25%.

Bagaimana mengawal/mengubati talasemia?

1. Pemindahan darah (seumur hidup) jika anda menghidapi talasemia beta major - ini mungkin disusuli dengan suntikan sejenis bahan untuk membuang lebihan ferum dalam darah akibat darah berlebihan yang diterima dari pemindahan darah. Suntikan ini biasanya dijalankan 3-6 malam seminggu.
2. Pembedahan untuk membuang limpa
3. Pemindahan sumsum tulang - curative tapi bukan senang untuk cari yang sesuai Jika minor dan tiada simptom atau masalah, maka tiada rawatan diberikan.

Perlu ingat bahawa setiap individu adalah unik maka perlu dirawat secara individu.Oleh itu, bagaimana anda dirawat atau di'manage' akhirnya adalah tertakluk kepada pakar darah yang merawat anda.

Please correct any misinformation and please do not rely merely on this information.

p/s: The good thing about this is that thalassaemia protects you from malaria, which is why it is more prevalent in the area where malaria is endemic - people with this condition survive malaria.

A DAY BEHIND...

2008-05-13T05:55:00.002+08:00

but you are my mum every single second xxx

Tertanam naluri keibuan amat mendalam
Di jiwa insan yang mendambakan kebahagiaan
Oh... ibu

Di bahumu tergalas beban
Perjalananmu penuh rintangan
Kau titipkan kasih sayang
Sejujur pengorbanan
Tak ku nafikan

Di saat kita berjauhan
Rasa ingin ku berlari
Mendakapimu penuh girang
Bak si kecil kehilangan

Kau insan penyayang
Betapa ku merindu
Lembutnya belaian ibu
Membuatku terlena

Di wajah terlukis tenang
Debar di dada kau rahsiakan
Ku pastikan dikau aman
Dikurnia sejahtera
Tak ku lupakan

Di saat kita berjauhan
Rasa ingin ku berlari
Mendakapimu penuh girang
Bak si kecil kehilangan

Tiada aku tanpa ibu
Hanya (kau) satu didunia
Bertakhta dikau dijiwaku
Kau lah ibu yang tercinta

Kau insan pengasih
Betapa aku mengharap
Hadirnya restumu ibu
Membawaku ke syurga

Bersemi belaian kasih sayang nan berpanjangan
Darimu insan yang mendoakan kebahagiaan anak-anakmu
Oh... Ibu

oleh: Hijjaz

DIFFICULT

2008-05-06T16:26:00.006+08:00

It is always difficult to admit that we did something wrong, but I believe it is one best solution for our own motivation to be a better person. After all, Islam teaches us to be "husnudzon" (think positive about other people). You don't blame people, you find out what you can improve.

Anyway. It is even difficult when you have done something wrong and nobody ever let you know that. Then you end up thinking that you are always right.

It is difficult, as difficult as admitting that you do think that you like someone, even when people around you keep demanding that yes-i-do-like-that-person words of confession.

And of course the most difficult ones are to try to change yourself, your attitude, and your feelings, because it is just you - although this is not a really valid excuse - say if you are a muslim, you can't just go tell people I can't stop drinking alcohol because "it is just me".

And I have to disagree that you should do those changes just to make sure everybody likes you, because in real life, again, it is difficult to happen. You are a shy person, outspoken people do not get along with you. You then change and practise yourself to be very talkative, then it will be a challenge to sit with quiet people. Even Rasulullah s.a.w. who is the best human being, best one loved by Allah - still not everyone like him, even until now. As long as what you do is what would lift you up besides Him, nothing else should matter, should it? And this is exactly why we need to always remind ourselves about the purpose of life. Spending too much time thinking about what other people think about you would just waste your time, especially when you have too many other things to achieve in your life.

I don't know where am I going with this post, but I will end it up by telling you one stupid or maybe ?'good' thing that I did. Heheh I signed up for an ophthalmology prize award exams a few months ago - it is not compulsory of course and I am not looking forward to win anything, but I just thought I'd urged myself to do some readings - which of course will benefit me as the ultimate goal - so I signed up for it. But I haven't done the readings, and now I can't help thinking what have I done!!! aaaa....The test will be tomorrow,and trust me, I do not even know the anatomy of an eye.

Ok, thought Id write something up before starting my quick one day revision on ophthalmology. =P

p/s: It will be negatively marked!!!!!!!!!!!! hope i wont leave too many blank answers. DIFFICULT!

SCHISM

2008-04-23T01:22:00.005+08:00

Bible version of Fitna?

"It is easy to take any parts of any Holy book that are out of content and make it sound like the most inhuman book ever written. This is what Geert Wilders did to gather more supporters to his hateful ideology. To create S.C.H.I.S.M."

A metaphoric reply to Fitna film?

JEDDAH, 10 April 2008 - A Saudi blogger has made a six-minute video entitled "Schism" by portraying texts from Christian sources out of context, similar to the way Dutch MP Geert Wilders made his recently-released anti-Qur'an film entitled "Fitna."

In his film, Raid Al-Saeed, 33, shows verses of the Bible that call for war and illustrated them with clips of extremist Christian groups that preach violence.

"I made it in less than 24 hours. In 'Schism,' I have used the same methodology that Wilders has used and that involves taking texts out of context," he told Arab News, adding that he made the film to prove that it is incorrect to judge Islam by watching "Fitna."

This is a point that he writes at the end of his short film. "It is easy to take part of any holy book out of context and make it sound like an inhumane book. This is what Geert Wilders did to gather supporters for his hateful ideology. To create 'Schism,'" he wrote.

Al-Saeed does not believe religious books call for violence and bloodshed. He said "Fitna" is "based on hate" and that Wilders has abused the "freedom of expression that he enjoys." He added that Wilders' movie reflects "his racism and hatred."

When Al-Saeed first posted his clip on YouTube on March 1, the video was removed within 12 hours with a message from the site that the clip violated its terms.

Al-Saeed wrote back to YouTube, asking why the movie was removed while "Fitna" remained available. He uploaded the film again and added a message for the site's administrators advising them to view Wilders' film before deleting the film.

His video has been viewed over 1,800 times and has been on YouTube since March 2. It is also available for viewing on Google.

Al-Saeed insists that his aim is not to spread hate but to tell the world that you cannot judge a religion or an ideology by taking things out of context.

DOING THINGS CHANGES THINGS

2008-04-16T02:50:00.004+08:00

I first used to watch House MD in my second year, when in our study group, one of us mentioned it helped him to memorise the clinical presentation of a certain disease due to watching the TV series. But watching it at that time put me off really so I stopped watching it. All it did was giving me headache - House and his team do the differentials too quick, I could hardly pick it up.

Then after a year, I started watching it again, and it does make more sense now, although most of the time, I do feel left behind. And it still is giving me headache every time I watch it. I do not know why I am stuck with it, but I am now on season 3. (it's season 4 on telly now)

There are times I enjoy his arguments with his colleagues or with his patients. But some other times, I do not agree a lot with Dr House particularly when he talks about his belief upon the non-existence of God.

Just a quote from the episode I have just finished watching:

[situation: a patient was asking House to talk about anything]

House: If we talk about anything, nothing will change.

Patient: It might.

House: How?

Patient: Time. Time changes everything.

House: That's what people say. It's not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly where they were.

There is always something to learn, be it the medical aspect or not.

FITNA FILM

2008-04-07T18:44:00.006+08:00

I know I am a bit lag behind with this entry. But I just need to write something about it. I am sure loads and loads of people have already stated their comments - just look at the comments following the short movie when you youtube it.

Of course, there are just too many people, each with unique characteristic and personality, each with different belief and way they act... so there are just too many comments with the use of variety of languages which sometimes are very offensive.

As there has been lots of articles regarding this, I would not like to comment much. I just hope that people out there who never knew about Islam before, please do not depend merely on the movie as your sole source to get to know what Islam is about. I have to agree that some people do take only part of the verses - which is just not right. The Holy Quran comes as a whole and the message should be taken as a whole. Taking just one verse at a time and translating it literally, without knowing the reason behind the revelation of the verse (asbabun nuzul) and without understanding it fully, or without justifying it with other related verses in the Quran - this is just not right. Some people just have the tendency to do so. Let alone those who want to destroy Islam or who are Islamophobic, even some muslims have the tendency to do so for whatever reason. And please do not blame Islam if there are some of its followers who did not practise the right Islam as a whole. And please please please talk to people who really know about Islam than to listen to those who don't.

Whatever the intention of the film Fitna is, I just hope that it is for the best. We, muslims, have a right to be angry because it is an obvious insult to the religion. But I am calling for all muslims to be angry in a right way. This short film might just be a provocation towards the muslims. When we get angry too much, and start acting beyond the way we are supposed to - it is as if they have won. They win the viewers belief that Islam is really about killing people. That Islam is not a religion of piece as it should be.

As I said, I just hope that this is for the best. Maybe it is a warning for us muslims, to check whether we have done our best to do dakwah. Maybe it is a blessing when people heard about this, they tend to find out more about Islam. Who knows?

Below are two of my favourite links that I always go to, and they both commented about the film Fitna.

1. Saifulislam: Fitnah filem Fitna!
2. UZAR: Isu filem Fitna: Wajar boikot atau tidak?

"The Holy Quran also says: And kill them wherever you find them, and drive them out of the place where they drove you out; for persecution is worse than killing"

"You forgot the first part of that verse brother. Fight in God's cause against those who fight you. But do not commit aggression. God does not love aggressions. There are many who are seeking god but instead end up following the devil"

"The greatest jihad is to fight the evil within yourself"

CROCODILE vs ALLIGATOR

2008-04-07T06:04:00.010+08:00

Are they both the same?

Ok. I know this is pretty weird that I am going to post something regarding these two reptiles. It just occurred that while my friends and I played a game which I will name as "who am I" on the animal theme, Chikita needed to guess alligator - which was fairly tricky because you won't normally go anywhere near alligator, when you had wrongly guess crocodile... They both seem the same, so we all had arguments whether alligator and crocodile are just the same.

We played the game when we were spending four days of our easter break in Northern Ireland - to be more specific at Giant's Causeway. Apparently it is widely known as the 8th wonder of the world (I just knew this) for its basalt columns but I have to say it is worth going there for the breathtaking view, subhanallah.

The Giant's Causeway. More pictures from the trip - click here.

So what are the differences between alligator and crocodile?

1. They come from different families of crocodylians; alligators from alligatoridae, and "true" crocodiles from crocodylidae.

2. Alligators (?commonly) found in the southern US and eastern China while crocodiles are (?commonly) found in Mexico, south and central America, Africa, South East Asia, and Australia - so it is crocodile that I must have come across, at the zoo, most probably.

3. Habitat - They both inhabit the grassy swamps and slow moving rivers. Both of them have special salt glands to get rid of excess salt, but these work less well in alligators so they prefer freshwater habitats, whereas crocodiles tend to live in saltwater habitats.

3. Shape of the jaw — Alligators tend to have wide, U-shaped, rounded snouts, while crocodiles tend to have longer, more pointed, V-shaped snouts.

4. Placement of teeth - Upper jaw is wider than lower jaw in alligators so the teeth in lower jaw are almost completely covered up - unlike in crocodiles, in which the 4th teeth stick up over the upper lip.

*references and more info: 1, 2

One lesson I learned while playing the game. I suck at geography and other general knowledge! I admit that I do not read that much.

Also a lesson from the alligator-crocodile argument; how powerful Allah is to have created so many different range of creatures.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!

2008-03-27T19:28:00.005+08:00

Today is mama's birthday. I am sure things are changing a lot for her, particularly in the future. To name a couple; she is expecting her first grandson; and my sister has just finished her SPM so she is not going to be living at home during her term time anymore once she gets into college, so mama will be left with papa, it is all going back to where it started. All her children are walking towards having their own lives, believe it or not. Ouh, and one more thing, she is retiring soon.

Time flies really fast. Sooner or later the family cycle will go on and on with time and it is a vicious cycle that will last forever as long as human being agrees that one of the purpose of life is for the progeny. If they do not reproduce, they know they will eventually die, every living creature does.

I remember an informal discussion my CIDR group was having when I was in my third year, where they were talking about not wanting to get old and the preference to die in dignity. It seemed being old and becoming a burden to other people are the least things they would hope for, that they had preferred to die if they have the option to choose. Of course, who would like to be old, but I'd personally be afraid of dying more than anything else.

In surah al-Munafiquun, Allah warns us not to forget Him when we are busy with the wealth and our kids. And whoever does so, they will be grouped as the losers. And people will bargain to have their life extended before the death came so that they will have more chance to do good deeds. But again, He warns that our death shall not be postponed, not even for a single second and that He knows what we have all done.

"Tidak akan lepas kedua kaki anak Adam di akhirat di hadapan Allah, kecuali selepas ditanya lima perkara; tentang umurnya di mana ia habiskannya, tentang kepemudaan dan kepemudiannya di mana ia digunakan, dan tentang hartanya dari mana datangnya dan ke mana dibelanjakannya, dan apakah yang dilakukan dengan ilmunya."

[hadith riwayat Tarmizi]

I have to agree that it is scary how quick the time has flies, and that makes me being alive on this earth for 24 years in just after a couple of months time. If just few months back, I'd referred myself as Iffa while talking to even juniors, I've just realised I have been using the term "kak Iffa" or "akak" more often lately. Duh, you really are getting old Iffa!

Sitting in the clinics while I was doing dermatology, I had mostly the elderly coming into the clinics. Most of the time, they come as a couple who happened to be so sweet even at their old age. It seemed like they understand and care about each other so much.

I guess in the end, I do not really mind, in fact I do want to, growing old and have my own family who cares for me and who has the same understanding of what the purpose of live is; and spending the time left in my life wisely enough as a mu'min, not merely human being with nothing to make themselves special in His view.

"Sebaik-baik manusia diantaramu adalah yang paling banyak manfaatnya bagi orang lain"

(HR Bukhari)

Growing old is inevitable, but making the most of the time we have left is something that we are able to decide.

p/s: I was looking for a verse from the Quran, which differentiate those who stay at home and who go out to spread the good to other people but to no avail. Can somebody enlighten me which verse it is please?

R.I.P

2008-03-11T10:13:00.009+08:00

There were days when I missed being a kid again - especially that being an adult seems too difficult at times. Too many thinking and decisions to make.

There were days when I missed being in Malaysia.

There were days when I missed my family - especially when I rang them, finding out they were all gathering at my bro's house; playing with that cute growing up Damia, me niece.

Today is the day I miss my late grandfather. I do not know why I suddenly feel his loss. Not that I was so close to him, but I guess with me being able to do some thinking now, much better than when I was too immature before when he was still alive - it is just sad thinking of me not to be able to have some chat with him anymore. Not to be able to ask him for advice. Not to be able to ask him stories I would want to know more now. Like the Memali incident - which I am sure he would have had a good one for me. Or like the history of Malaya before the independence (I can recall him telling me these before). Or the general history. Or anything else. Any general or personal stuff. And advice. Good advice from a grandpa. A pious grandpa.

I just miss him. We surely do share one common thing. That is one thing for sure, definitely.

And of course I miss my late grandmother too. As she was the best granny ever.

May Allah bless them. Ameen.

DON'T FORGET THE PRAYER

2008-03-07T06:55:00.007+08:00

Thank Allah, I have finally submitted my poster this morning. I have actually completed both the abstract and poster last month. It was such a stressful task back then when I had only two days to finish every different types of report and presentation for my audit. Just relieved I had finished it earlier. Except I was having 'trouble' choosing the right colour for these past few days. Maroon vs green. Well it was not that it matters that much, but just because I have made the poster available in both colour, it was just getting me confused - then I needed to make a choice. And I ended up uploading the maroon one so far - still have time to change it.

Choosing. When we have to make a choice, we would normally choose what will benefit us the most. And what benefits us the most largely depends on how we perceive things. When one might perceive having huge expensive buildings is an important marker of development, another person might see the moral development being far more important than that. These perceptions, I suppose are influenced by religion, background, environment, experience etc.

Anyway, I have been reading the news and articles (from different sources, and again it is entirely up to us to choose which one is true and which one is not), I believe what I can call as campaigns for the national election which is only two days ahead. Yes, only two days ahead. And I was touched by an email sent to the Newcastle Balai mailinglist...

Dlm keadaan pilihanraya di M'sia yg semakin hampir dan bahang2 nya boleh dirasakan sehingga lah ke bumi UK yg sejuk ni :-) ... maka saya di sini suka utk mengingatkan rakan2 sekalian utk kita sama2 berdoa bhw pilihanraya di M'sia ni akan memberi kemenangan kpd pihak yg benar2 ikhlas dan inginkan kebaikan buat M'sia dan rakyat nya iA... Semoga kepimpinan itu diberikan oleh Allah swt kpd mereka yg benar2 berhak memilikinya, yang boleh memberikan kemakmuran, keadilan dan kebahagiaan yg berkekalan kpd rakyat M'sia dunia dan akhirat iA...

Kesedaran rakyat juga sangatlah penting di sini utk menentukan pemimpin mana yg selayaknya diberikan kekuasaan krn ianya sememangnya akan memberi implikasi yg besar kpd kehidupan seharian mereka, anak2 cucu dan seterusnya.. . Jadi kita rakyat M'sia yg berada di UK ni, yang mungkin susah utk terlibat dlm proses pengudian yg berlaku di M'sia masih juga boleh sama2 'menyumbang' dgn doa2 kita iA... Dlm hari-hari yg terakhir, menuju ke p/raya ni, sama2 lah kita doakan yg terbaik... a famous saying I once heard... "Do not underestimate the power of du'a..."

Aye, never underestimate the power of doa.

Read critically. Choose wisely. Pray for the best, insyaAllah.

Selamat mengundi. (pakat kelik ngundi bijok2 belako neh).

BLOGGER PEMBOHONG

2008-03-02T00:24:00.004+08:00

Really?

Like I said, macam-macam lah sekarang ni dah dekat nak pilihanraya. Anyway, these videos are hilarious, man. Click here.

HOT 2008

2008-02-26T16:58:00.005+08:00

I rang my mum few days back and one of the sentence she said was...

"lame Pah dok update blogspot tu"

Hehe, so that was a huge encouragement to update this after a while keeping myself busy (more or less pretending to) from updating this blog. And what comes in hand with the encouragement is the hot issue of national election 2008 in my beloved country.

That's right. Malaysia is to hold an early general election on the 8th of March, after our PM, Pak Lah dissolved the parliament just few days back, ending his term earlier, which was to expire in 2009. So that's more than a year ahead of the schedule. Whatever his plans are, only He and Allah know.

I am not that much into politics as compared to others, but I believe what happens in the country is for everyone of us to care about, and it is us who has the right to determine who to govern and on top of everything, opting for the right ruler and leader is a very important aspect in Islam itself. Government and citizen relationship comes in both ways. We vote for who we think would serve us right while government gets support from citizen to help running the country.

To be a leader is not to gain benefits and wealth from it, but to see it as a responsibility. Pemimpin itu selangkah kaki ke syurga dan selangkah ke neraka. That is why we wish both congratulation and sorry for someone when s/he is elected as a leader. Congratulation for being chosen by Allah to be a leader who will have the great opportunity to serve and make good change to gain His blessings. And sorry for all the burden that one has to go on with, in particular the burden of being questioned later on in the akhirat whether justice had been done or not.

With a very superficial knowledge and critical thought in politics that I have, I am not to comment much on this topic then... but to urge all of us to think wisely and critically before we vote.

1. The candidates
2. Macam-macam la bila pilihanraya ni. Isu orang utan
3. Never really seek for non Malays opinion about election before, but had brief discussions with few people I know here, and have been reading few websites. Check this one out: Jed Yoong, an individual journalist
4. Expert leadership needed. “Yes, religion is important, but there is no point talking about religion when you cannot develop the people and the state". Hmm? Totally agree that the "E.X.P.E.R.T.S." should lead.
5. Recognisation of shariah law by the Archbishop of Canterbury (although its not fully agreed but there's take home message from the video) - hmm... one question I do sometimes wonder: Why are muslims so scared to debate and question shariah law? He's right he's not a muslim to answer that, so ask yourself o muslims.

“Sesungguhnya Allah menyuruh kamu memberikan amanah kepada yang berhak menerimanya dan apabila kamu berhukum di kalangan manusia maka hendaklah kamu berhukum dengan adil. Sesungguhnya Allah memberikan pengajaran yang sebaik-baiknya kepadamu.”

(Surah an-Nisa’ ayat 58)

(wish I could vote, but for whatever reason, I had some issues with the registration) =(

EXAM MODE

2007-12-11T06:18:00.000+08:00

I know this seems a bit weird after a long pause from blogging =) (which was 4 months ago?)

I used to always put my exams timetable here and has always asked for some prayers from the readers. And that is all my purpose for today. Nobody knows that I might have passed my previous exams due to the prayer made by any of you when you come across this page.

Always heard this: "Doa seorang sahabat yang tak diketahui dimakbulkan Allah" - insyaAllah.

So here goes me exam timetable, roughly (since have not checked the details yet):

Wednesday, 12 Dec 07, p.m. - Paper I
Thursday, 13 Dec 07 , p.m. - Paper II

And this is going to be the last paper exams before the finals!

And welcome to the last month of the Islamic calendar =)

SUMMER 2007

2007-09-08T20:21:00.000+08:00

Right. Two months from last update now. Summer holiday was short but absolutely great. I spent 9 days in Egypt, 2 days in Dubai (with my brother) and 3 weeks in Malaysia (finally being able to meet Damia - she is so cute!!!!). As for another 3-5 days to make up a few more space in my holidays, I suppose I spent those hours in the flights.

I knew I won't be writing up my journey to Egypt and Dubai. Too lazy to narrate my experience and reflection. If I do, I am sure it is going to be pretty long. However when I read an email about one's experience while in Egypt, I bet these stuff said in that email would have been almost similar to a few things that I thought I was going to write up. Here's the email:

Salamun'alaik. .

Salam serta selawat ke atas Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam, ahli keluarga baginda serta salam kepada para sahabat yang berjuang menegakkan Islam di muka bumi ini.
Kalau sesapa pernah duduk di Mesir, terutama di Kaherah, tentu tahu kerenah pemanduan para pengguna jalanraya di sana. Cara parkingnya yangmana sesapa yang beli keta mahal sekalipun tak boleh eksyen sebab gerenti kemek dlm minggu pertama..
Pun begitu.. satu pengalaman yang tak dapat dilupakan juga ke Mesir, intai si Firaun yg derhaka tu, masuk piramid, tapi yang best ke Iskandariah. .

Kalau yg pernah jumpa bebudak jual roti di Kaherah lagi best..

Roti tu dia susun sampai 12 tingkat atas kepala dia.. dan.. aksi yang paling best dia buat ialah..

Sambil kayuh basikal di tengah-tengah bandar yang sibuklah sesangatnya. .

Skil dia balance roti atas kepala sambil kayuh basikal dan dengan selamba langgar lampu isyarat..

Well, except that I did not go to Alexandria (Iskandariah) nor did I enter the pyramid (just visited th em in Giza and ride a camel). My brother and I did plan to go there, but for whatever reason, it has to be canceled. Owh and I think I could hardly find a traffic light there too. And there were horses/donkeys on the road too, alongside with the cars. How amazing!

One good thing to learn was to appreciate, accept and adapt the big differences between the countries that I have been to and people I have met there. But sad to say, how I wish an Islamic country could be very clean as that is how it is supposed to be, cleanliness is part of the iman (faith).

ONE OF THE REASONS

2007-07-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

I just need to pass my exams. And one of the reasons is her. My niece who I have never been able to see and hug, and whom I have bought loads of toys for - which are going to be the only things to bring back home in my luggage.

OSCE was so hard, hopefully I am over it now. But still finding it hard to motivate myself to study for my paper exams. And I suppose that is one of the reasons I am in front of the computer, typing all these out when I should be reading infectious disease handouts, or answering MCQ questions.

Please give me strength Ya Allah.

PRAY FOR ME

2007-07-13T02:29:00.000+08:00

YM status: Clumsy Iffa!

nikmadihah: iffa tak clumsy. she is as graceful as a swan.
iffa: yes i am
iffa: i just spilled a cup of coffee on the table and some books and notes just went brown!!!!!!!!
nikmadihah: add flavour and spice to life
iffa:
iffa: how was exam
nikmadihah: now u wont sleep while reading notes hehe
nikmadihah: ok tapi cuak for tomorrow.
iffa: or the noteswont sleep while reading me
iffa:
nikmadihah: hahahahahahaha. lawakla tu. taknak chatting ngan iffa yg buzy. cu soon
iffa: all the bestok
iffa: kene study pon
nikmadihah: ok beb. u too
iffa: doakan kame
iffa: kami
nikmadihah: ok insyAllah
nikmadihah: wslm

Please pray that me in exams is totally the opposite (it's practical exams tomorrow, and clumsiness won't help at all!)
=)

END OF THIRD YEAR

2007-07-02T02:35:00.000+08:00

Yes, it is almost towards the end of the third year. Hopefully it will really be the end of third year, going into the fourth year a.k.a. the 'holiday' year for medics in Newcastle.

Stressing out for the exams is basically the background thought of my mind right now, although I have to say I have not put much effort yet so far, despite the library being more like a home now. Well I do try the best I could afford now, there are just too many things I need to study that I do not know where to start, and how to be organised with it. Anyway, please pray for us, the third years...

03 July 07 CIDR assessment

05 July 07 GP assessment

13 July 07 OSCE

19 July 07 Paper 1

20 July 07 Paper 2

All the best to those who are having exams or writing up reports too! Or for those with problems in life that need sorting out, may Allah guide us all in the right path.

DECISION

2007-05-27T06:10:00.000+08:00

I had never realised a career that I have chosen would involve mainly decision making, until a few months ago. I always find making decision a hard thing to do. Not that I think about consequences all the time before I react to something, but most of the time, I do. And I never like to be one who decides. It probably just emphasises on how coward I am, afraid to take the responsibility to whatever decision I make.

Decision making is more like an adut thingy. Considering myself as still a child (haha sangke), I do not mind to not much being involved in the process itself. Even so, I do make decisions everday, do I? I decide when to set the alarm on the phone, yet next morning, I decide when actually do I want to wake up. I decide whether I want to have simple breakfast or a heavy one or none at all. I decide where am I going to sit in the metro going to the hospital. I decide whether or not to complete the sudoku on the way, or should I read something for the seminar. I decide where am I going to sit in the seminar. I decide whether I should spend money on the lovely scone in the cafe for 10 minutes break. Well, that is to name few of it. But most of these are decisions done unconsciously. I suppose when it comes to emotion and rationale, it is very very different. (come on, grow up Ifaa!)

But, it is not a bad thing at all is it? When you find something is hard enough for you, that you would need someone to help and support you, that is what makes you closer to Allah. Because He will always be there for us. And remember that Allah knows best.

(although still, I do not understand how can one be so sure about decisions s/he is making? if I do not believe that everything happens for a reason coz Allah knows best, then I do not know where would I have been now)

Thank you Allah for this beauty of surrendering myself to You.

THE MENTAL TALK

2007-04-21T06:52:00.000+08:00

There were times when I felt like I totally knew what I am doing, but at some other times, I just had no clue of why I do things. Here, I am writing particularly about medicine. About choosing medicine and a career as a healthcare professional in the future. Not bluffing - most of the time, I really want to become a doctor, and I can see me becoming one in the future. Chatting kindly with patients and not forgetting to smile as a means of treating them psychologically before medically. But on the other hand, it did sometimes feel so strange as if medicine is not the right pathway for me at all - honestly, there were a number of times when I felt like quitting medicine.

As for now, I am very glad to share that today is one of the days when I like being here, doing what I am doing. I truthfully enjoyed the case presentation session this afternoon. Amazing how your teachers and colleagues could actually change your perception and thought over something. Cheers guys (haha,like u guys are ever gonna read this?). Each day just went so fast, and today I have already finished my first week - out of four - of mental health (psychiatry) rotation.

Then, I will start my final rotation - that being CIDR (chronic illness disease rotation) for eight weeks, then bam! Big exam is coming up. Well, not as enormous as the judgement day, but your efforts still count for that, aye?

At this moment, I know I should have fully AWARE of the very limited time I have to spend on studying, and that last minute study is no more a smart way of passing a third year med student exam... but although the word exams has always been the mainstay of our daily conversation for this week, I have no clues of why am I still not paranoid with it. I suppose I study better under the pressure and I need to be a bit worry about it. Actually come to think of it, I do feel nervous, with a grandious jitteriness in fact. Especially when I was going through some random MCQ questions and found out that I cannot answer things I could have possibly been able to answer even in my first year. I remember when I was in infectious disease rotation, I turned totally blank when I was being asked "what do the B cells produce?". Seriously, where was I in the past two years?

Sometimes, everything is there in your head. You know you have the answers, but you just need more time to organise them. Or maybe you cannot put them together at all until someone tells you the answer, then you go "aahh, I knew it was that!". Worst, you know you have read or heard a medical term which appears in the answer lists before, but you just cannot recall what it is about. And even worst, you know that you are expected to know about something, but you just don't.

Ya Allah Ya Rabbal 'Alamin, I need strength for this.

ONE SATURDAY NIGHT

2007-04-12T16:28:00.000+08:00

Adik almost cried when not all the housemates wanted to play her game. Children, they are so imaginative, and this one has always created "her game", having her own rules of playing it.

That night, she needed all six of us to join. So when she started crying in my room, finally everybody agreed to play. We all went outside into the living room and sat in a circle. Apparently, her game that night resembled "kotak beracun". Well, almost the same, except with no aim or ridiculous dares like I had always played it before. We just had to pass her 2-3 weeks old-very-cute-teddy-bear (which she got from a car boot sales) around the circle, and wait until the music stops. Whoever holds the teddy will have to go and play the music and stop it for the next round.

I love you Adik!!

For the first few rounds, we were so blank. There was no aim at all. If we get the teddy there would be no "punishment", I suppose going to press the cd player button is not a horrible thing to go through. Ok. So one of us adjusted the game to make it more interesting. Bits by bits, it ultimately ended up as 'truth or dare' game, if you have ever heard of it. But the rule was a bit distorted - one had to answer the question first, only if you choose not to answer, then you would be dared.

And going back earlier that day, Kak Rabitah bought a litre of goat's milk today, just to taste it, since it is one of sunnah left by Rasulullah s.a.w. Everybody tried it, except me. I was turned off by the scream Amira made when she gave it a taste. I did not even like lamb. How on earth would I like the milk if it tastes worse than lamb or sheep? Amazingly, adik is the hero. She likes it so much, that we still have it in our fridge now, coz adik wants more! She is the only one in this house who alhamdulillah, able to drink the milk.

I wish I could too. Do not say I did not try. That night, when I refused to share my "personal" secret, I was dared to drink a full cup of goat's milk, without pinching my nose. And trust me it was no easy task to do. It was not the taste, but the smell. Devastating. It is one of the sunnah, so I assume is good for the health too, but I just can't help myself. Luckily, it is not an obligatory one.

A few morals from the story. Firstly, the game was so bored when we first played it. No aim. Everybody was just looking at each other with a what-are-we-doing-passing-this-teddy-around look. And nobody minded to hold the teddy when the music stopped. But when the rules changed, with aim not to get the teddy coz if not you would have to tell the secret or get a dare, everybody was passing the teddy very quickly. Trying the best not to hold it when the music stopped. And screamed horribly when it happened. Same goes to our lives. If we do not have aim in this life, it is boring. There would be no purpose of life.

I once asked an SHO who is an atheist, "so what's your purpose of life?". He said "I'm afraid I will loose (to me, coz we were arguing loads before) about this one. To be honest, my purpose of life before I got married was bullshit. But now that I am married, it's my wife and my two kids."

Secondly, I was so reluctant to drink the milk before. But when I have to drink it due to the "rules", I managed to finish a full cup of it. A full cup mind you, not a sip. It is not fair for me or for other players to not do the dare as we already agreed to the rule.

A believer believes that Allah's rule is one to obey. It is not fair for Allah that we claim we are muslims but we never play by His rules. It is not fair that we agreed to be born into this world and live on the earth He created with all the ni'mat, yet we do not play our lives by His rules.

And just see how important are the governers who have the power, who can use their "hands" to rule something. A hadith says (approximately):

"If you come across a wrong deed, change it with your hand. And if you cannot change it with your hand, speak against it with your tounge. And if you cannot speak against it with your tounge, hate it in your heart."

When there are rules, people have to follow it, whether they like it or not. And first rules to obey are ones from our Creator. I needed to drink the goat's milk no matter I like it or not. Because it was the rule. Congratulations to me!

(should have niat minum sebab sunnah rasulullah...dapat jugak pahala huhuhu)

FROM BEIRUT TO JERUSALEM

2007-04-04T20:50:00.000+08:00

I have heard about the book "from Beirut to Jerusalem" vaguely before, but I was so ignorance to find it and give it a read. Good thing when I went to IMAM programme called Extreme Medicine last weekend, the writer herself, Dr Ang came up as one of the speakers, talking about the manmade disaster, the war. She talked about her experience, how she was brought up to support Israel and to hate the Arabs, the so called "terrorists". But her experience has changed it all.

Click here for the audio, pictures, and written experience. Trust me, you have to listen to this one!

One of the very touching picture, as described by Dr Ang:

---And suddenly a whole lot of children - Palestinian children from every where began to crowd around me, and the little girl said "Doctor can you take a picture of us?" I said "of course I will". "You must take a picture of us now because there is the Shatila camp - tomorrow maybe the camp will be destroyed and there will be no more Shatila, but al least today we are here and you can take a picture and show your friends all over the world this refugee camp and show them we are the children of Shatila". And as I began to focus the camera they decided to put their hands up and make a victory sign and said "and we are not afraid". This picture was taken in October 1982, since then I have been back to Lebanon many times, and each time I go back I carry a copy of these pictures hoping I can find them - of course I never found any of these children. But now looking back I realise they didn't ask me bring the pictures back to them - they said take the pictures and show it to the whole world, to show the whole world how the Palestinian children of Shatila camp were not afraid. So I am showing it to you now." ---(by Dr Ang)

Even up to now she is so active, trying to make sure that people will soon realise who are the terrorists, and who are the victims. May Allah grant her hidayah... and may we learn something from her spirit and enthusiasm.

T.O.P.

2007-02-20T09:00:00.000+08:00

I am now doing my obs and gynae rotation, and I am so called to reflect upon my session today and share the thought with all of you. I was timetabled to sit in a family planning clinic this afternoon. I thought it was gonna be a light unstressful session discussing and learning about the variety of contraceptive methods available at the moment. I thought I would not learn much except the same facts written in the text books. But my assumption was completely wrong. I think today is the day when I made lot of reflections. The day when I learned that there are so much things to worry about in this life. The day when I could have burst into tears if I did not control myself. The day when the future looks so foggy even though I am beginning to see the interesting and challenging bits of doing obs and gynae later on.

I assume it is alright to write in general about my experience today, without breaching any confidentiality. So I sat in the clinic and I met a few people there. And I never thought there would be so many cases of termination of pregnancy (TOP). Yes, English law allows TOP before 24 wks(?) but culturally before 17 weeks (?). (Well I might not be the right person to comment about this medics stuff – just in my third year – do not want to look that stupid or even worse, to give wrong information or anything.) But anyway, being here and being just a medical student, I have to respect the patients' right to choose their way of life. There are just too many ethical reasons to consider about. I am totally against it of course, only Allah knows what was in my mind at that time.

Back to the case. So I sat in the clinic and one of the patients that came in for TOP was only as young as 15 years old.She is so young and even afraid of having a venepuncture (amik darah) done on her arm. I presume she had no idea what to expect for committing a TOP. It is not her story that I wanted to comment here, coz I have no right to talk about her. But I suppose I have the right to comment about my relatives who have the same religion as mine ie. the muslims – and to be more precise, Malaysian muslims coz its more relevant to us. Coz I care about my society. I care about my religion. And these are important factors in directing my future life and the future of Islam and I care about these.

What stricken me the most was when I imagined her being my sister. When she said she was born in 1991, my first gut reaction was “that is so my sister’s age” – nauzubillah, may Allah prevent this disaster from anybody that I know of – well, at that moment I could not help thinking about the situation in Malaysia where the contraindicated values of the West is becoming a culture. Incorrect way of entertainment is the main component of life nowadays. Normal homo sapiens named as “artists” are being worshipped more than ever. Muslims going to night clubs are becoming more common. In fact I heard some comments saying that it is peculiar to not have gone there among some groups of Malaysian muslim youths and teenagers, mind you. Same goes to virginity. Some can be so proud to tell that they have actually lost their virginities. Surprise surprise, some can even be so ashamed to not have done it by certain age – which is so ridiculous. And if you want to hear something more ridiculous, some even "sell" themselves to achieve wealth in this impermanent, temporary life. And when unwanted pregnancy occurs, this would most of the time results in abortion or infanticide or child abuse which adds up to the sinful acts prior to this. I cannot imagine the battle I would be in to make sure my future children (kalau panjang umur) are safe from all these new culture which is totally against Islam.

I chatted with a friend who befriends a few of these “social” or “huha huha” people once. She claimed that most of them are influenced by peers. Family problems, lack of attention and religious education are mainly the basic reasons to why they tend to be easily influenced by friends. They have no parents to go to, so friends are the only options. That is why relationship within familymembers is an asset for taking down these social problems. I haven’t got any experience myself to mingle closely with these people, so I would not blame anyone. Blame. Human beings always tend to blame other people when bad, unwanted things happen to them.

Anyway. My point is that I would like to remind myself and all, that we all have a purpose in our life. We have our religion as our way of life. Please do not let other culture takes over ours. Never underestimate the effect of discussing religious issues and educating ourselves and the children even at early age coz to know more about our religion and practising it fully are the only things that will make sure that we are on the right path.

Hidup tanpa ilmu umpama orang yg mati.
Ilmu tanpa amal umpama orang yg tidur.
Amal tanpa keikhlasan adalah sia2.

[masa belajar ni je la kalau nak ada masa buat benda2 extra, dah keje nanti apelah nasib....]

~~~~just a piece of thought~~~~
~~~~~betulkan jika salah~~~~~

SO BEAUTIFUL

2007-01-29T05:17:00.000+08:00

My usrahmates and I joined a programme called Da'wah Course today, organised by the Islamic society. It was focusing on communicating Islam to the non-muslims to facilitate and encourage us to do the obligatory sunnah of our beloved prophet Muhammad s.a.w (p.b.u.h.) - that is to do da'wah. Yes, it is a sunnah, but it is a duty of us, muslims. I used to always interpret sunnah as wearing a turban, keeping the beard (both for guys obviously), etc. But it is actually everything that was done, spoken, or undone by rasulullah s.a.w. And one might not realise that things like da'wah to non muslims and bringing back the true Islamic country into the world up to achieving the world orde (ustaziatul 'alam) are also the sunnah. The obligatory ones in fact.

It was only a one day - no, actually, a half day course indeed. 11am -5pm. Let me just share and reflect back a few valuable points that I have learned today.

The course had one practical session where the facilitators acted as a non muslims and the participants had to answer the questions asked by them. Some of the questions might just be "tell me about Islam". As simple as that. Of course we can talk about thousands and millions of thing, but what do we want to focus on first especially if we have only 3 minutes with him/her? There was a quote from a brother: "You are not doing da'wah if you are just discussing about why you don't eat pork, why you don't drink alcohol, why you dont go to pub. But talk about the tauhid." Let them know that Allah is one. The one god that we worshipp. Let them believe that Allah is their god too. That Allah is everyone's god. Easier said than done of course, but we never know if it is through us that Allah wants to grant the hidayah to a non muslim. Let me give you a few more questions or statement that we as a muslim might want to start thinking of.

1. What is Allah? Why is your god different from others?
2. Aren't all the religions the same?
3. Why do good people or muslims still suffer if god exist? I have a friend who is suffering from cancer, she is a good person, the best one I have ever met. Why does god allow her to suffer when she is a good person?
4. Where does evil come from? From god?
5. I am not an evil person. I do good things, and I help lots of people. Would I be condemned to hell simply because I am not a muslim? - Man, this is though!
6. How can you be so sure Islam is true?
7. How do know Muhammad is a prophet? Didn't all sorts of other people claim to be prophets?
8. Why are dressing like that (for women)? Do you not feel oppressed? How do you find a boyfriend then? Do you not have one? (I actually got this one)
9. Do you have to pray five times a day? That must be so hard for you!
10. You are not even allowed to drink when you ae fasting? Hey, that is not good for your health is it?
11. Do you need to be particular about what you are eating? What is these halal meats?
12. You are not allowed to drink alcohol even a small sip of it? But isn't it good for the heart if you take redwine occasionally? You won't get drunk.

Some of these were questions I got from my friends too or from a stranger I met in the metro, or in a shop. It is a good thing they ask us - it means they are interested to know. And we do not even have to go and approach them. In this case, the least thing that we could do is to tell them about Islam. To let them know about Islam. To help them find the truth. Any question. Any statement.

Anyway, we do not have much time to discuss the questions. The key thing to answering these questions is definitely KNOWLEDGE. Sometimes we know Islam is right, any query directed to us will go back to the fact that Allah is fair and that there must be good thing that comes out of bad things because Allah knows the best for us. Many of us might have lots of knowledge, but knowledge without practising it is nothing. Trust me, trying to answer these questions and explain it carefully, trying no to offend anyone is not an easy thing to do especially when you never think of these questions, because you are born muslims. But practise makes perfect, right?

True success of doing da'wah is that you obey Allah and you made the effort. Every time you do da'wah you will be rewarded. If they become muslims, alhamdulillah. If not, it is all in Allah's hand.

ادْعُ إِلِى سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَجَادِلْهُم بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَن ضَلَّ عَن سَبِيلِهِ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالْمُهْتَدِينَ

"Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance."

[an-Nahl;125]

INVITE. It does not say MAKE SURE everybody will gladly be accepting it. But let them know. Give them choice. There are many prophets of Allah who did the preaching for many years, and some of them ended up with very few followers, or even none. But the key thing is, the effort was there. Even rasulullah s.a.w., the habibullah (one who Allah loves) was being tortured and treated so badly when he introduced Islam to the community.

By the way, back to the title of this post. An unexpected, unplanned beautiful event occured in the mosque during the course. I can still hear the announcement very loudly at the back of my head.

"Brothers and sisters, we are about to witness something that doesn't happen every day. We are about to witness a new birth".

There was a Caucasian brother, who wanted to say the syahadah, and admit that Allah is the only god and that Muhammad is the messenger of god. And it was very touched when he said it, that he actually has hearing problems, and he has to read the lip to understand or to know what the other brother was saying. And he said it in front of all of us. And he has just became a new person, who is free from sin, like a newborn. And I wish I can start as fresh as him.

Not only that, a few minutes later a sister came to us, and told us that an 11 years old girl who followed her granny (who is also a revert) to the course, has also said the syahadah after she stated her interest to become a muslim. And only after that, she began to think about her mother's acceptance.

11 years old girl and a guy with hearing and speech problems. Two in a row. It is so amazing how Allah can open their heart to accept Islam. Even when the media is currently busy reviewing the July 7 tragedy and keeps relating it to muslims as terrorists. Even when the channel 4 had just commented and created misconceptions about Islam in Undercover Mosque.

11 years old girl. What did I do when I was 11? Playing galah panjang with boys, talking and obsessing about KRU and the musics, what else? If I was not a muslim at time, I doubt that I would have achieved that high level of thinking to make decisions about religion or even to care about my religion, and obviously not even try to find out the true religion. And a guy who has to read lip to communicate? Who uses sign language to talk to others? Very amazing. Seriously. There are so many of us, muslims or not, who are so perfect as a human being, having ears and eyes to see His "ayat", yet we keep them shut and do not use them wisely.

Some of us could not control ourselves from crying happily. Everyone was so touched. It was so beautiful. It was like a miracle. It is something that I never thought I would have witnessed.

BELAIAN IBU

2007-01-14T20:29:00.000+08:00

[Hijjaz]

Tertanam naluri keibuan amat mendalam
Di jiwa insan yang mendambakan kebahagiaan
Oh... ibu

Di bahumu tergalas beban
Perjalananmu penuh rintangan
Kau titipkan kasih sayang
Sejujur pengorbanan
Tak ku nafikan

Di saat kita berjauhan
Rasa ingin ku berlari
Mendakapimu penuh girang
Bak si kecil kehilangan

Kau insan penyayang
Betapa ku merindu
Lembutnya belaian ibu
Membuatku terlena

Di wajah terlukis tenang
Debar di dada kau rahsiakan
Ku pastikan dikau aman
Dikurnia sejahtera
Tak ku lupakan

Di saat kita berjauhan
Rasa ingin ku berlari
Mendakapimu penuh girang
Bak si kecil kehilangan

Tiada aku tanpa ibu
Hanya (kau) satu didunia
Bertakhta dikau dijiwaku
Kau lah ibu yang tercinta

Kau insan pengasih
Betapa aku mengharap
Hadirnya restumu ibu
Membawaku ke syurga

Bersemi belaian kasih sayang nan berpanjangan
Darimu insan yang mendoakan kebahagiaan anak-anakmu
Oh... Ibu

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY LITTLE (?) BRO

2006-12-19T20:02:00.000+08:00

Tiap saat pun we grow up. Apa guna bertambah usia if we are not becoming more mature than before. If we still do not appreciate others that are important to us, and if we still do not know how to differentiate yang hak dan yang batil. My lil bro, hope you will grow up to be as nice a brother to us the siblings, as mithali a son to mama n papa, as funny and cheerful a friend to your friends, as brilliant a student to your teachers, as responsible a person to the ummah, and most important as obedient and faithful a believer to Allah.

Hey good news is no matter how old you are, you will always be a brother to a GOOD sister (hhehe)

*sori, aku copy je ayat ecard tu, malas nok tulis baru...*

TOO MUCH

2006-12-17T19:16:00.000+08:00

Ok. I have not been writing for a while. Almost two months from Eid and now is very close to another Eid celebration. And I was planning to go back home and play with my first niece, but the ticket is so expensive I just can't afford it myself, and I just can't afford asking "a few grands" from my parents. Well, at least it is so sweet to know that some people do miss me at home, although some admitted it but some didn't, I so know that you do Im, hehehe :P

Ok so my niece has almost turns 3 months now. I went to carboot this morning and bought a few things for her. And Danish and Fatin are back here in Newcastle!! I can't believe how fast and clever has Danish grown up - he can repeat your words, follow your instructions, laugh hilariously (when you push him in that kereta sorong plastik), and he is undeniably cute.

Quick update. I have finished my first sem exam - I won't say it was great, but some of the stations was not that bad. I knew it whenever I screwed it (apart from the sleepy patient that I thought was asked to act as a tired and sleepy patient - whom I assumed might has had partial ptosis due to ?pancoast tumour - but apparently that was not the case). And that stupid cannula station, why on earth would I insert blood when the question clearly asked me to insert the iv fluid? Guys, PLEASE read the question carefully and do exactly what it says, do not just assume the question. And DO NOT PANIC. 5 minutes is more than enough for a question and a cannulation procedure. Seriously.

And AGM Balai Malaysia (Malaysian community in Newcastle) has also been held. And I have just officially started my holiday in which I am going nowhere really, as opposed to last year (went back to Malaysia - its been a year now!) and last 2 years when I travelled to few different places). I will spend 6 days at PMS (Perhimpunan Musim Sejuk) in coventry - which I am sure would be beneficial - then I am gonna have Asma' coming here. And I should probably go and visit a few people I have been too busy to visit during the term time, and go and visit the newborns as well. And there will be another Eid without family (isk isk isk) and then another term will begin very soon - I will start with paediatrics in South Tyneside hospital.

Now it seems like I am gonna have a really short break, but the best part is I should startlooking for July ticket coz I am definitely planning to go back this summer. InsyaAllah.

FWD: RE: EMAIL

2006-11-29T20:52:00.001+08:00

Date: Mon, 27 Nov 2006 21:42:14 +0000 (GMT)
Subject: Re: [saifulislam.com] Pendapat Peribadi 'ISU MURTAD & DAKWAH'

saya pun sama.

saya rasa diorang salah sebab diorang tak friendly. saya rasa diorang salah sebab tak bermanis muka pada saya, sebab saya rasa saya deserve perkara2 ni.

saya juga memandang geng dakwah dengan pandangan negatif, sebabnya diorang pernah marah kawan baik saya yang berdua-duaan di taman bunga, atau juga pernah menyindir kawan saya yang sedang begayut dengan girlfriendnya berjam2. adakah camtu cara dakwah?

saya juga rasa pelik terhadap mahasiswa yang aktif berdakwah, sedangkan ramai lagi mahasiswa lain yang tidak menerima dakwah mereka. mahasiswa2 ni sepatutnya merancang bagaimana hendak menyebarkan Islam dengan lebih baik. kalau dilihat dalam universiti, sedikit je student yang terkesan dengan dakwah...yang lain enjoy je dunia tak ingat. sepatutnya geng2 dakwah ni rancang supaya lebih ramai student lain dapat didakwahkan sama.

siapa saya?

saya adalah antara manusia yang lebih mementingkan 'kaedah hikmah lembut' dari peri penting mesej dakwahnya.

saya juga adalah penonton2 tepi memandang sepi dan sinis pada geng dakwah melakukan kerja tanpa memberi bantuan pada mereka.

saya juga adalah manusia penonton yang sentiasa 'menghakimi' tindak tanduk geng dakwah, tapi lupa bahawa saya sebenarnya hanya penonton yang tidak menyumbang mana pada umat.

saya juga adalah manusia yang sentiasa memberi pandangan kepada gerakan islam pelajar dengan pelbagai cadangan, tetapi saya sendiri tidak/kurang membantu bersusah bersenang bersama membawa suara dakwah ke mercunya.

saya juga adalah manusia yang merasakan diri saya belum cukup baik untuk berdakwah, maka saya kena baiki diri saya dahulu baru saya akan berdakwah. bila saya nak baik?....sebenarnya saya tak tahu jawapan tu. sebenarnya saya tahu Yusuf Qardhawi pun tak akan kata dia dah baik maka dia dah boleh mula berdakwah.

sebenarnya saya tahu jawapan pada semua di atas. tetapi sebenarnya saya ingin jadi penonton je, saya malas nak susah2, nanti kalau aktif sangat saya takut pihak univeristy HEP blacklist saya. atau biasiswa saya ditarikbalik. saya takut hilang kawan2 saya yang ramai, yang panas telinga bila ada mamat datang dan dakwah pada mereka... saya tak nak hilang kawan, bilik penempatan university, dan segala-segalanya. akhir sekali saya takut saya tiada masa depan...

saya adalah salah seorang anak wawasan, salah seorang manifestasi produk pendidikan negara hadhari, tahu saya tidak membawa erti, kerana iman saya tidak teguh di hati.

kita tahu, biarlah dikumpulkan seluruh alam ini, merancang memusnahkan kita, jika tidak dengan redha-Nya ia tidak akan tertimpa ke atas kita. begitu juga sebaliknya. mari kita berlapang dada dengan perkara2 'kurang manis' yang pernah berlaku dalam 'golongan dakwah', kita doakan allah merahmati mereka.

mari bersama terjun ke lapangan ini, ambil segala yang baik sebagai panduan, yang tidak baik sebagai teladan. perbaikilah ia. mari teguhkan (bukan sekadar penonton) dan perkuatkan gerakan dakwah Islam ini. mari menjadi 'pelakon-pelakonnya ', cukuplah sudah lama kita menjadi 'penontonnya' .

penonton hanya membayar tiket wayang, pelakon lah mendapat ganjaran utamanya apabila filem menjadi box-office.

wallahu alam.

RAYA KETIGA DI PERANTAUAN

2006-10-26T18:07:00.001+08:00

Kad raya kami untuk semua (designed amik dari www.sifoo.com) :

Before raya:
Alin ngan Athirah semangat buat kuih raya. Tien masak macam2. Tambah lagi ada orang minta buat rendang sebab kalau takde rendang tak rase raye katenye (saya la tu). Saya tolong menyibuk je kat dapur. Ada budak2 rasa raya lagi meriah, lagi semangat nak raya. Kak Jua gantung kad raya kat dinding. Terasa raya. Copy takbir raya dalam mp3 pastu dengar malam tu masa tengah masak.

Saya: Athirah, what are you doing tomorrow for Raya?
Athirah: Hey, tomorrow is Monday. I'm going to school.
(gelak je la...yakin betul budak ni jawab. Comel je.)

Raya pertama:
Pagi bangun lambat. Lepas subuh mandi bersiap2 pakai baju kurung nak pegi hospital. Biarlah orang pandang pelik its my raya. Pastuh terkejar2 makan sebab lambat dah. Bas datang pukul 7.46 am tapi tak sempat nak siap. Kalau tak naik bas ni, macam tak sempat nak naik metro jam 8.04 am. Nasib baik Kak Jua nak buat 2 trip hantar Madihah ngan Aina solat raya dulu, baru amik Kak Rabitah n the rest. So tumpang kereta Kak Jua gi metro station. Rupanya memang ade hikmah. Dalam kereta Nithia call, cakap bus ade strike ari ni, sikit je bus yang in service. Nasib baik tak tunggu bas, kalau tak takdenye nak minta Kak Jua hantarkan. Sampai2 metro, train to South Hylton arrived lagi 2 minit. Alhamdulillah. Thanks Kak Jua. Panic sebenarnye sebab pagi tu ade individual assessment.

Masa pegi hospital, memang rasa nak balik sangat. Terbayang semua orang kumpul kat sport centre solat raya. Pastu jalan2 rumah orang, jumpe2 beraya, paling best boleh jumpe kuih2 raya and makanan2 malaysia yang jarang sangat orang buat kalau bukan untuk raya. Tapi nak buat macammana. Ada priorities. Yang mana wajib, yang mana sunat kena amik kira.

وما تقرب إلي عبدي بشيء أحب إلي مما افترضت عليه وما يزال عبدي يتقرب إلي بالنوافل حتى أحبه

Ertinya : “..dan tidaklah hampir kepadaku seorang hambaKu dengan apa juapun, maka yang lebih ku sukai adalah mereka melaksanakan amalan fardhu/wajib ke atas mereka, dan sentiasalah mereka ingin menghampirkan diri mereka kepadaKu dengan mengerjakan amalan sunat sehinggalah aku kasih kepadanya…” (Riwayat Al-Bukhari, no 6021)

Tapi sampai je kat hospital, terus gi mintak leave of absence form. Harap2 lepas assessment boleh balik. Yakin je boleh. Diorang ni faham je.

Masa Richard ngan Sarah tengah kasi feedback:

Richard: Is there anything else you would like to say?
Saya: (unfold the form). I'd like to request an early leave for today. It's my eid celebration today. Do you think the workshops on shock this afternoon is really important to go to?
Sarah: I think you can go and see Chris and ask him about that. It should be fine. I'll hand the form in to Tracy.

Yeay! Balik awal, berjalan tak hengat. (influence Ija jugak ajak balik awal, hehe). Jumpa kawan mama masa kat rumah Kak Yati.

Saya: UiTM Dungun? Kenal la mak ayah Iffa... Wan Jaafar ngan Jamilah?
Kak Zu: Oh, Jamilah. Selalu jumpe tu. Die selalu jugak bawak anak2 dia datang ofis.
Saya: Ouh adik la tu. Suke sangat ikut mak die tu (hehe sori Im)
Kak Zu: Selalu jumpe 2 orang kat dalam toilet...
Saya: Erk...2 orang...tu saye la tu jugak kot akak. Ikut jugak kadang2. Hehhe.

Kecik betul dunia. Dah jumpe rupanya. (Sori Ma, dok ingat nok cite mase call ari tu).

Berjalan tak hengat, makan pun tak berenti. Dah amik sket2 je tapi banyak sangat juadah sampai penuh perut.

Raya 1st house at Kak Ita's.

Raya kedua:
(besok2 la update. Buat kerja lain plak).

KEYBOARD CHALLENGE

2006-10-16T05:53:00.000+08:00

It is almost two months since I updated my blog. And I am struggling with the keyboard right now since it is not working perfectly as it used to. Moral of the story: Never place a glass of water next to your laptop when a chance for a book to fall and knock that glass of tea off is very likely. And more importantly, do not blow your wet keyboard with a hair dryer!

Always came up with ideas to write, but either too busy or too lazy to type them down. Time flies as quick as you could ever imagine. Third year is interesting but is very very tiring. It is already the 21st day of Ramadhan - presuming more people will be going to masjid as it is in these last ten days that the muslims should be decorating their path of finding the lailatul qadr, a night that is better than a thousand months (right?). Well at least that happens in here - reflecting me when I was back in Malaysia, final 10 days of Ramadhan, would probably be busy with the kuih raya (nyumnyum) and "preparation" for raya.

I miss my normal keyboard!!!!!

Ok. So I joined an arabic class today after 5 years leaving the language of the paradise behind, since form 5. And it was fine, very great indeed. But that's not the point. We had a conversation about the eid. All other students are married, and they were thinking about making eid celebration as the best one especially for their children. I thought it was because you know, it is mainly the kids who enjoy any celebration the most above all others. (I did).

But no. They have to make it the best celebration because it is a religious celebration and the kids need to know that it is more important than christmas celebration (which in general, is obviously important here for the Christians and any kid would enjoy it, trust me, christmas shopping starts as early as in this month already). They do not want their children to love other celebrations more than our own religious celebrations. Never thought of it that way before. Probably because the situation in Malaysia is totally different.

Seriously I do not like typing using this keyboard anymore.

All the best in finding the night, and EIDUKUM MUBAARAK.

TODAY

2006-08-19T05:24:00.000+08:00

Travel back time
I haven't got any blog
Wonder how exactly did I end up with one

Today
Here I am
My fingers are dancing on the keyboard
If not to remind myself
Probably to share with others
Or just to say out loud my thoughts
Perhaps to practise my poor English and my writing skills
Most likely all of them in one
Exactly like what I'm doing right now

Just when the summer holiday started
I was looking all over the town
As best as I could
For a summer work
Cheers Kak Akma, for keeping me company
Unfortunately I couldn't find any
So I volunteered at a charity shop
Nice experience I have to say
Anyway I somehow miss operating the till there
Although I might be awarded
The clumsiest cashier ever

Today
The summer holiday has almost finished
Even the summer has already gone
No more sun so no more sunburn
Feels more like winter already but I'm fine with it
And I am a working lady, straining my eyes in front of the computer
Coping well to read the doctor's handwritings
Some are fine even very good indeed
But some look more like ECG readings to me
And those sometimes gave me headache
The first week I was so excited to get the job
But this week I sometimes glanced surreptitiously at the watch
Thinking when 5 o'clock is gonna come
But it doesn't matter if I go back early, really
Coz the pay is based per hour work
As long as I do not cheat or misuse the time
It should be fine
Only I worry if I summarise the notes far too slow
But again, it does took some time to figure out the ECG handwritings
Thanks to all staff for being helpful and well approachable

If you ask me
I'd prefer my student life I guess
Give me ten years doing medicine and I wouldn't mind
Well, except if I don't get my own allowance
That's a totally different situation

Two years ago
I started my first year studying medicine
Was quivered with fear and excitement when I first arrived here
Hoping to do my very best
Having been given a chance to come here
Despite thinking I was not good enough to even apply of coming here

Today
I am less than two weeks away
From my third clinical year which promises us no lectures (I suppose)
But have never did my best, not even tried
Only to regret it later in life
Lucky I still pass the year
And thanks to all my friends whom without them I wouldn't have done it
(by Allah's will of course)

Long time ago
I once was being tested
Thought that was the biggest problem I had ever faced
And there was hardly anyone I could consult to
And only now I realise that I was given a chance
To consult Him alone
Coz He always listens and He is The All-Knowing
And I was given an incredible strength
Never felt stronger than I used to

Today
I wonder where has the strength gone
I wonder why the prayers hasn't been the same
With all the good things that are happening
I should have been more grateful
But people seldomly see good things as tests
And tests from Him too, I am sure they are

Once I learned from a friend
Trouble definitely means a test
And most of the time people seek for help
But to have achieved your targets and desires
Those are also tests from Him
And to think that you aren't being tested at all
Is the invisible test
The latters are more dangerous
Coz people do not see them coming
And people tend to forget
when they are in great wealth
or when they are not in need of help

Three weeks ago
The newspaper were filled up with Israelis attacks on Lebanon
A big column was spared for three pictures of British soldiers
Who were killed in the attack
Yet a picture of a mother carrying her small innocent son
Who died in the horrible massacre
It was just a subset of a bigger photograph of troops
Probably one twelfth of it

A week ago
The weather forecast which has always been in the third page
Was moved to page eleven
Coz more important news of the terror plan has striken the Great Britain
And the news on the massacre in middle east became inconspicuous
I wonder how do people define t.e.r.r.o.r.i.s.m
And to be affected in some ways is inevitable in here
Emotionally if not physically
Only then I again realised
How powerful and couraging
The prayer bismillahitawakkaltu'alallah is
It's amazing yet scary
If this thing happened
Only to remind me of the powerful prayer
Coz shame on me
I hadn't bear that in mind
For quite a long time

Today
Let us pray for the innocents
No matter from what background they are
Keeping in mind that
To be just is to put things the way they are supposed to
Not to protect our own best of interests

Just now
I was just thinking of updating my blog
I even thought of doing so days ago
Shame on me again I didn't
Some people say it's not good to postpone a plan
But I have my own priorities other than blogging
(I bet to sleep well is considered one of them too?)

And right now
I think that's all I have to say for now
So good night and have a good day tomorrow
Coz in Islam there is no such thing as new year's eve
Or resolution at the beginning of a new year
Indeed every single day should be celebrated
First by being thankful to be awake again
After being half dead when we sleep
=_=

WHEN THE MOORS RULED EUROPE

2006-07-30T20:20:00.000+08:00


This short documentary describes the glorious rule of Muslim Moors in what is now Spain. A forgotten history is remembered. Kak Jua was totally right. We should have watched it before going to Spain.

ALHAMDULILLAH

2006-07-27T17:42:00.000+08:00

I just got meself a summer job! And credits to Elly for advertising the vacancy in the mailing list, and for having recommended me for it. And most of all, I cannot help being thankful to Allah. How brilliant has He arranged everything for me. Just nice. School summer holiday has just started so I do not have to pick up Kak Ita's kids anymore. And three weeks volunteering at the shop has been marvellous - a bit dissapointed though since I am just improving my skills operating the till, and I am quitting it in a couple of days.

When I pay for stuff that I shop for, most of the times, I will hear this:

"Here's your two pounds change and your receipt. Thank you"

or

"I'll put your receipt in the bag, and here's your two quid change"

In the past two days, I had a chance to imitate that. *wink*

Back to this new job. It is a position as a notes summariser in a GP practice. I hope I will be able to cope myself with the tasks and hopefully it would not strain my eyes so much to sit in front of the computers for long hours. The best part is, that the work at least has something to do with my course. Would give me a very relevant experience indeed.

Alhamdulillah.

GREY'S ANATOMY

2006-07-24T07:23:00.001+08:00

I did a bit of packing today and I found a square note which I wanted to throw into the bin but the scribble on the paper seems very meaningful to get rid of that way, without saving it somewhere so I thought of saving and sharing it here. The quote was from a patient with heart problem in Grey's Anatomy (can't recall his name). He said:

"I believe in heaven. If I have to choose between
this life and one in heaven, I choose heaven."

I must have found the quote rather important or interesting or full of meaning that I jotted it down on a piece of paper and pinned it on my small notice board and never took it off whenever I was cleaning out the unwanted notices on the board.

May Allah lead us to the straight path in this life, for the best rewards in the next one.

COUNTING DAYS

2006-07-21T06:53:00.000+08:00

Today I went out with Kak Nurul to accompany her shopping for the arrival of a new baby girl insyaAllah. It turned out to be her accompanying me instead. It is summer sale in almost every store and I just had to control myself from spending too much. It was a tough determination to accomplish; a couple of skirts won't kill, will they? ***Hey, it was a bargain after all. Buy one get one free after 50% reduction*** ;-P

I had a nice day out with Kak Nurul really. And shopping for kids' stuff were so much fun. They were all so cute, more like you are playing with dolls, trying to fit the nicest dress for them, and comb their hair, and made them wear some accesories. *teringat selalu main anakkan (patung kertas) zaman kecik2 dulu. 20 sen je satu*. Anyhow, I really wish Fatin and Danish are here. Miss my favourite baby boy so much. Shopping would be much more fun if they were there!

Danish celebrating his first birthday in Malaysia

(without Auntie Iffa?? How could you??)

I thought I would go to the charity shop and do some work as usual. But I did not. I was so damn tired and did not dare to leave Kak Nurul going back on her own so I took the same bus as hers going back home. She is 36 week pregnant, and Danish was born when he was 36 weeks gestation, so it was quite worrying to let her walk alone. After performing my Zuhur prayer, I fell asleep and woke up at only half seven, so I urgently prayed Asar and ate my dinner before going to halaqah.

It was not my first time to fall asleep in the afternoon this week. It was my third time already. It was probably due to the summer weather which kept getting warm each day. Except today, it was raining for a while in the morning so the weather was just nice today. Not too warm and not too cold. Hehe, complaining the weather. Reminds me of a conversation with Farah - we are becoming more British now, always complaining about the weather.

And I won't blame the weather really. I have been out a lot, and I spent two days of the week for ice skating and beach (had fish and chips at tynemouth twice already in this week - fish and chips: still, so typical British). Ice skating was so fun, but it makes you tired. Or probably because I do not really know yet how to skate. Glad that for my last session I do not have to complete one round holding on the wall before gaining the confidence to go to the centre of the rink. I think to play tennis is much harder, although ice skating is similarly tiring. Especially for the brain. Probably because I was using up most of the energy being very conscious and trying very hard not to fall. A brilliant exercise for the cerebellum (?) I bet. Also, it so teaches me to appreciate how well has Allah created the world, that I do not have to walk on the ice, God I am so thankful for that. I just couldn't imagine wearing ice skating shoe all the time, it must be killing my feet in silence!

Ok. Back to today's activity. The halaqah. We were discussing about the tafsir of surah al-Maa'un and continued with our last unfinished topic from last week's usrah, the first element of Arkanul Bai'ah, to have a deep understanding of Islam as a way of life. I cannot recall why, but Kak Eleena mentioned a story about the pious man and a dog. For those who have not heard of the story, here goes story:

" A man was walking on a desert and he was very thirsty. He found a well and went down into it and drank. When he climbed up and came out of the well, he saw a dog, panting and eating earth out of thirst. He thought that the dog must be as thirsty as he was. so he went back down into the well, and using his shoe as a bucket, he filled in the water and then held it in is mouth until he climbed out. Then he gave the dog water."

It is a true story from a hadith (sahih bukhari and muslim if I am not mistaken) and the prophet stated that Allah had forgiven the man his sins because of his kindly act, and he will enter the paradise due to that.

Moral of the story; always be good, even to animals or plants, we are all the creations of Allah. Even dogs. Also as a reminder for myself who does not like dogs that much (I have my reasons, experienced running for being chased by dogs for quite a few times. Hehe, fell off once - shame on me!). True that for us muslims, when the dog is wet or for their faeces, we have to clean it with our "special" way. That is using one part of water from clean soil, and 6 parts of clean water (eg tap water, or rain). It sounds hard, but it is not that difficult when it comes to times you have to apply it. Reminds me of a conversation between a dog and a cow that I got as an instant message long, long time ago:

LEMBU: Hai anjing, apa habaq? Macam ada yg tak kena je?
ANJING: Aku tengah tension nih. Mau je aku gigit manusia tadi.
LEMBU : eh? kenapa?
ANJING: aku lalu tepi dua orang mansuia lelaki dan perempuan yg sedang berkepit. Tetiba si lelaki terperanjat dan terus melompat dan berkata "hoi anjing, pergi jauh2,najis!".
LEMBU: Ya, lah.ko kan haram. Najis tahap berat bagi manusia. Biasalah tu.
ANJING: Kalau aku najis sekali pon, kalau dia tersentuh aku, boleh disamak. Yang dia sentuh dan raba2 awek dia tu apa? boleh ke nak samak dosa?
LEMBU: Betul tu. Memegang wanita yg bukan mahramnya tanpa ikatan yg sah, lebih dahsyat kenajisannya daripada memegang ko anjing,malah tak boleh suci sekalipun di samak.
ANJING:wah.. ayat ko memang power la... manusia kena ubah pepatah "Pandai macam LEMBU"

Thanks to Lembu for making a clear comparison between halal haram and najis. Najis does not necessarily haram. Vice versa, haram does not necessarily means najis. Sometimes we take things for granted. Sometimes we like to complicate simple things.

So there goes another day of my summer holiday.

SERBAN

2006-07-14T00:56:00.000+08:00

Interesting. While the muslims here are fighting for the right to wear Hijab in school, we have the serban issue in Malaysia:

1. Pelajar ditegah berserban -- Bukan sebahagian daripada pakaian seragam sekolah - Hakim
2. Serban: Islam tiada penghormatan apabila Mahkamah tolak rayuan

Hmmm...

ME IN THE SUMMER

2006-07-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

Already a month of summer holiday. And surprisingly I do not spend as much time at home as I expected.

1. I sometimes picked up Aisyah and Azri from school (Luqman as well, but now that he's gone back to Malaysia for good really miss him, and Nasya too). And I've got their house key with me. I slept there a few times before Kak Ina moved into Ija's room. So that is my third home I guess.

2. And I've got a new temporary housemate. Not that Kak Ina is gonna stay there for a short period of time, but it is me that need to pack up my things and move out since I have given up the room to Zalehani. Too complex explanation for why have I given it up, so I better not start writing about it. But alhamdulillah, insyaAllah will be moving out into Kak Jua's (yeay! Jadi housemate Kak Jua yang comel!) --> Duk Fenham jugak akhirnya.

***Panjang umur Kak Jua, I had to pause for a moment to answer her call***

3. And I went to ISLAMEXPO which was being held at Alexandra Palace in London for four days - I only attended three. It was great and I got to know Nor, my Singaporean usrahmate while I was there. So sad that she has left for good as well, right after the expo. So, ISLAMEXPO...Most of the talks were about things that we might have always been discussing while having our tea or lunch break, or while watching the telly, or while in the bus. Palestine and Iraq issue, 7 July and September 11, Islam and terrorism (?) etc. There was one talk about Islamic school, questioning whether it is a vessel of integration or isolation. Hmm...interesting topic although they only mentioned about having Islamic faith school here in the UK. We are so lucky to have 54 (I guess, in 2001) SMKAs in Malaysia, and not to mention that all the school will have Islamic lesson as a particular subject on its own to expose the kids with the history and basic knowledge of Islam. In contrast, it sounds very hard for muslim parents here to ensure their kidsto grow up within an Islamic environment. They will need to send their kids to extra classes provided by the masjids or any Islamic organisation to gain knowledge on Islam.

And there were exhibitions and shops too at the expo.

4. I applied for paid jobs but I was being rejected for at least three times by now. Hopefully something will turn up later, although I am not that much in need of a job really. So, I am currently volunteering at a charity shop, British heart Foundation. It is quite nice. Meeting some new people and learning some new tasks - at least when I evaluate myself before I go to sleep, I do not have any regret about spending my time at home doing particularly nothing useful at all.

Everything works out fine, and I am expecting to see my Kelana Convoy friends this weekend (so called coz I met them during the trip).

ISLAMIC BIRTH DATE

2006-06-30T19:07:00.001+08:00

Mine was 10 Ramadhan 1404. Can celebrate that after the iftar then.

Find out yours here.

A point to ponder:

On our birthdays,

should our mums give us presents

OR

should we give them gifts instead?

They have given us the gift to be born in this world, not to mention how painful does it seemed to give birth and to take care of the children until they are able to undergo the life independently. And no, it does not stop just there, I suppose.

p/s: Miss mama. Mama comel =)